Follow by Email

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall; Can I Trust You AT ALL?

One of the most amazing things about this surgery is getting used to your new body.  At three years and two months post surgery, I have to wonder if I'm EVER going to be able to accept that I don't look like I used to!

When I was big, I rarely let anyone take my photo.  I posed for the "before" photo because I knew that I wouldn't look like that forever.  I DO have photos (from the shoulders up) that I thought were "good" pictures of me.  When I look at those photos, I'm appalled.  I don't remember being THAT big.  I know I weighed 305 at my largest, but I still don't remember being that big.  I looked in mirrors and NEVER saw myself that big.

So now, when I look at this much smaller version of myself in the mirror, I get a little freaked out.  Do I REALLY look that small?  How can I trust the mirror?  I don't think I can.  It's a little different when I look at photographs.  Photographs I tend to trust a little more...although I'm not sure why.

I used to feel SO pretty in this dress.  I was HUGE.

This photo was taken yesterday.  Me, on a HORSE.  I haven't been on a horse since I was about 12...I'm trying to make up for lost time.  There was so much I didn't get to do when I was fat.  Two weekends ago, I went back to Carowinds and rode every roller coaster I could find.  I had so much fun on the horse yesterday that I'm going to take riding lessons beginning November 5th.

If you've read my blog for any length of time, you know that my former fiance, James, didn't think he could be attracted to me when I lost the weight.  So it's ironic that his "new" girlfriend (he started with her immediately after I broke up with him) is having gastric bypass on Monday!  I want to warn her about him, about how he'll try to sabotage her success as he tried to sabotage mine, but perhaps she has to find out for herself.  I've never met her but from what I see in photographs, she's considerably larger than I EVER was...

I wish her well.  I really do.  I hope she's taken care of the psychological reasons she has eaten herself into needing this surgery, so that she can lose the weight and KEEP it off.  I hope she goes to the post-surgical classes and follows every step to the letter.  But no matter how many classes one attends, no matter how prepared one thinks one is for this surgery, life afterward will NEVER be the same.  And I, for one, am SO grateful for the difference, even though I still find it hard to trust the mirror!