Waiting for "The Call"

It's officially Monday.  The day I get my "news".  For those of you who may have missed the last post, or who may not be my FaceBook friends, in a few hours, I'll learn whether or not I have breast cancer.

The repeat mammogram was Monday.  I went in thinking that I'd be told that there was no reason for me to worry--that my mammogram was fine and that I could come back in a year.  Instead, I was told to take a seat down the hall and that the nurse would be in.

Those in the know know that such procedure isn't for good news.  Ever.  The nurse directed me to a "conference room" where she informed me that I needed a biopsy.  It was set for Friday.  It left me in terrible pain, swelling and bruising...and now I wait.  I wait for a phone call that could make me happy or that could change my life forever.  

I'm terrified.  No lie.  I've imagined my reaction to the "good" call--euphoria and tears of joy.  I've imagined my reaction to the "bad" call--fear and apprehension and tears of sorrow.  Either way, I'll know in a few hours...

So many of my FaceBook friends have been lovely and supportive...for which I am now and will forever be grateful.  You truly DO learn who your friends are when the chips are down...

Playing Catch Up!!

Holy cow!  I haven't written here since APRIL of LAST year?  How is that possible?  There have been many, many changes in my life in the past ten months...so here are a few:

I'm not teaching any more.  I'm not sure I'm "done" with teaching, but I most definitely needed a break.  The group of kids I had at my last school in NC was a rough one--although my Honors' students were delightful for the most part.  I got tired of being told "f&ck you" on a daily basis--and there was little or no support from the administration.  So, rather than teaching, I'm working in a hospital emergency room.  It's intense...and very difficult on some nights, but I've really enjoyed the change.

I'm also not living in North Carolina anymore.  I have returned to New York, where my mom lives.  She's 82, and her health has declined over the past several months.  I'm glad to be here for her.

My weight?  After all, I did start this blog to help me (and others) with life after gastric bypass.  I'm happy to say that I've continued to lose weight.  I currently weigh...drumroll please! 161 pounds.  That's 2 pounds less than I weighed as a high school senior!  How incredible is that?!I started at 305...and now weigh less than I did when I was 17!  I have a lot more energy these days, and while my knees still hurt, they are far better than they were!  I am living with cortisone injections (my mom's house has a LOT of stairs), but I have other health issues I need to deal with before the knees.

On Wednesday, I found out I have a "growth" (my doctor's words--I think it's a euphemism for tumor) in my left foot which is irritating the tendon and causing me great pain.  I'm having an MRI on Thursday to try to get a clearer picture of exactly what I'm dealing with.  However, the foot will probably have to wait as well, as I got a phone call on Thursday that is probably going to change my life forever.

There is something in my right breast.  "Calcifications" that have changed significantly since my last mammogram.  I have to go for a "diagnostic" mammogram and ultrasound on Monday.  I'm scared to death.  I tend to be a bit of an agnostic...that is, I WISH there was a higher power, but I'm not sure if there is. However, I DO believe in the power of positive thinking, so I'd appreciate positive thoughts, my friends.  I don't know what else to ask for...I thought a friend was going to go with me, but it turns out she's running a workshop, so I'm on my own.  It may be for the best...

There.  I've said it.  I've only told a couple people at work, my mom and my youngest brother, but let's see how many people actually READ this blog.  And I'm sorry that I have to write such a serious post as my first post back.  I WILL say, however, that I did NOT take my life back just to lose it to breast cancer, so expect a FIGHT.  :-)

Thanks for being here...I'll have immediate results on Monday and will post accordingly.