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Monday, April 11, 2016

Healing...and Heeling.

My mother's birthday was Tuesday, April 5.  I had a terrible day, but after school, I went to buy two pink latex balloons.  I brought them home, used a Sharpie to write messages on them and released them.  I sent my love and messages to heaven--and I'd like to believe that my mom got the messages.

One of my friends posted a meme on Facebook that reads, "When a mother dies, a daughter's mourning never completely ends."  I think that's true.  My brothers miss my mom, too, but not like I do.  My mom and I were close.  I called her every day.  I spent every school vacation with her.  We went out to lunch and shopped and did things together that my brothers didn't and wouldn't. Our relationship was SPECIAL.

But we had almost three months to say the things we needed to say.  Many people don't get that.  At one point during her last week, she said to me, "Everyone should have a daughter."  That was without a doubt the best thing she could have said to me.  And it gives me comfort to remember that.  So things are a little better...one day at a time. Hell...one moment at a time.  I never know when grief is going to slap me in the face.  It lurks in closets and in dark corners, and I never know when it's going to rear its ugly head...but I'm trying.  One breath at a time.

So...onward.  The other "heeling" in the title refers to my footwear!  Yes.  I'm wearing heels!  Well, a wedge heel, but a heel nevertheless!  When I was large, tottering around on high shoes just wasn't practical.  First, I already have knee issues.  Second, it's hard to balance a fat body.  Sorry, ladies, but it's the truth.  I'm having to teach myself to walk all over again!  But I have purchased three different pair of wedge heeled shoes--it's FUN to be TALLER!  I know...little things make me happy.  But considering I never thought I'd be happy again...

Lastly, "heeling" could also refer to my dating life.  YUCK!  I am SO tired of married men!!! The last one, Graham, claimed to be legally separated.  He said he was living with his mother.  I won't go into details, but I discovered he was LYING.  Ugh.  So tired of it.  My dating profiles say absolutely no married men and yet...I may start asking to see divorced papers (or death papers in the case of widowers) on the first date!

It's Monday.  Try to enjoy yours--and know that every Monday eventually leads to Friday!  Have a good one if you can!


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