The Answer Is....RED PANTS!

The question: What did I wear to school today?  Yes.  Red skinny leg pants.  Me.  In red pants.  I don't think I've worn any color but black, brown or navy since I was in FOURTH grade!  A very large person just doesn't look good in red pants!!  

I was in New York last week on spring break.  My mom and I did a lot of shopping, and I found some tremendous bargains, including a gorgeous turquoise cable knit cardigan, originally priced at $40 for $3.99!!  I bought the red pants, a pair of dark teal jeans with zippered ankles and a great pair of black jeans with "blinged out" pockets for $14.50 each.  Their original price? $58 at Macy's!  Macy's sales are incredible.

I also found an amazing pair of jeans (straight with this blue-on-blue floral design) marked down from $44 to $7.05!  And they're a size 12.  TWELVE!!! OMG...I think I wore a 13-15 when I made my confirmation in 7th grade!!!

This ride is not a smooth one...I don't know from one day to the next when I may eat one bite too much and risk vomiting.  I'm getting better at stopping, but food is delicious, dammit.  It's sometimes hard to stop, but I'm learning.  Sometimes the hard way, but I'm learning.  It's hard to get my head wrapped around all of this, and sometimes I feel I still weigh 300+ lbs.  I look at my OWN clothing and think, "No way is that small pair of jeans going to fit me..." Because of the surgery, I can't take ANY anti-inflammatory medications, like Aleve and Motrin.  My knees, which are, according to my new orthopedist Dr. Smith, at least 75 years old (I'm 55!) with their worn, arthritic appearance, hurt like hell sometimes.  I had two cortisone injections today, which SHOULD buy me a few months of less pain.  Don't get me wrong--my knees feel SO much better today than they did 120+ pounds ago, but I've been without cartilage in my left knee since I was 17.  Imagine walking bone-on-bone all that time! An oral NSAID would help, but since I can't take them, I had to opt for steroids.

No...this isn't easy at all.  But I have to tell you...as I look at that picture from the day before surgery...I wouldn't have it any other way!

Oh and by the way, I've been in two other community theatre productions in the area in the 10 years I've living in North Carolina, but the play I'm rehearsing now is going to be the best!  It started as "Dracula"...and without revealing a lot of sordid details, we're now doing Neil Simon's "The Odd Couple."  I play Gwendolyn Pigeon, one of two women in the play.  The women in the play are described as being in their early thirties (!), cute and very English.  In "Dracula", I was a Gypsy woman.  I probably would've gotten the part as the Gypsy woman 120+ pounds ago, but I certainly wouldn't have been right for Gwendolyn Pigeon!  It's rather exciting to think of that!  (BTW, if you're local, the play is at Edgecombe Community College 4/24 (free preview) thru 4/27, all shows at 8:00pm and 4/28 at 2:00pm.  Come out and LAUGH!

Same Book, Different Chapter

I've come to realize that I haven't really changed...the book is the same, but the chapter is new! I had a terrific weekend.  Shannon and I went to the Carolina Tiger Rescue on Saturday morning, and then we saw "Peter Pan" Saturday night.  Carolina Tiger Rescue was amazing...and I wouldn't have been able to do that a year ago!

The rescue center is in Pittsboro, which is outside of Raleigh--about 90 minutes from my house.  It's on several acres of land, and the tour involved walking up and down hills, on gravel and grass and unpaved roads.  I took the course easily, never needing to stop and sit (there were some benches available, and a few people on our tour took full advantage).  Instead, I took the hike easily, never getting out of breath or really experiencing pain!  No pain?  Upon exertion?  What a novel idea! (Forgive the pun!) 

Shannon had a great time--and I took some terrific photos!  The rescue's main mission is education, and we really did learn a lot while having fun!  Then Saturday night, we went to the theatre.  It was so refreshing sitting in the theatre seat in complete comfort, and for the first time, maybe ever, I didn't even worry about being uncomfortable in the armed chair.  There was a large woman in front of me who spilled over into the seats around her, and my heart went out to her.  I know only too well how that feels. 

Instead of being uncomfortable in the theatre seat, I was able to focus on Shannon and her enjoyment of the play.  She's always been a great fan of Tinkerbell, and when Tink showed up in the play--a ball of light and tinkling sound--Shannon's reaction was breathtaking.  I wouldn't have missed it for the world!  I literally cried! 

My life is really different these days.  Dating two or three different guys at a time, walking, belonging to a gym--Oh, yeah, I joined Planet Fitness.  I work out 4-6 times per week.  Wild, huh?  I'm the same person, but I've definitely entered a new chapter in my life.  I like this chapter...and I want to live it for a long, long time!

New Year's Resolutions

I tend not to make resolutions for the New Year as I (like most people) don't tend to keep them.  However, this year, I'm making a few, and here they are:

1) I'm leaving North Carolina and moving back to New York.  Yep.  That's a biggie, I know, but I believe it's time.  First, my mom is going to be 82 in April, and I think she needs me.  More important than that is that I need her.  I know that the day will come when she's no longer around, but I would like to postpone that for as long as possible.  I've been away 10 years now.  And it's been an interesting, productive and painful 10 years.  I've tried talking her into moving down here--moving away from the cold weather, but she hasn't and now says it's too late.  And it may well be.  I'm younger, healthier (especially now) and a move would be easier for me.  So I'm going to do it.  I'm going to work the rest of this school year, and then I'm going to move back north.  I'm a New Yorker in my heart.  It's always been true--we New Yorkers are a special breed.  We're fast, smart, liberally minded, tough and independent...and I've never completely fit in here.  I spent the holidays in NY, and it was cold and snowy, and I still hate the snow, but I love my mom more.  So come June, I'm packing up and heading home.

2) I'm going to write more.  Here and with my novels.  I'm going to edit and send the two books I've written to agents.  I'm going to find an agent this year.  I'm a talented wordsmith--it's time I get recognition for that.

3) I'm going to date more.  After Kevin, I retreated into myself a little.  I found myself disinterested in going back "out there", even though I DID date a few men.  I just wasn't really interested in pursuing anything beyond a first or second date.  But I'm going to start.  I am.  I have a single friend in Raleigh, and she  and I are going to go to a few "meet-up" events together.  I'm not looking for anything serious down here--but that doesn't mean I can't have fun for the next six months!

4) I'm going to work out more.  I'm not going to join a gym here in NC, but I will start walking more and start toning.  I've lost a lot of weight--and I look good in clothes, but naked?  Not so much.  It's time to firm up and that's my goal for this year.

There you have it.  Four resolutions.  Not too many, and none of which is unattainable.   Create your own list, but remember to make it short and sweet.  And don't beat yourself up if you don't keep your resolutions...you always have 2014!

Have a very happy New Year, all...and make yourself your number one priority this year.  That's an order!

Chinese Food, Anyone?

In losing 127 pounds, I have gained a sense of courage I never realized I was missing.  From roller coasters to plummeting fair rides, I've become pretty fearless.  I think I'd go skydiving if the opportunity arose, and I'm DYING to go horseback riding!

And it was this fearlessness that pushed me to apply for a teaching job--in CHINA.  I don't think I really thought it out completely...there's NO WAY I could go to China now.  My mom is 81 years old, and, thankfully, she's in pretty good health.  But I wouldn't forgive myself if I was on the other side of the world when she needed me most!  So I emailed the company and told them I wanted to take my name out of the running for the position. They encouraged me to apply another time--and I may.  In the meantime, a little sesame chicken should do me just fine...

Have a great day, everyone!

The End of Summer and the Beginning of...?

I know I said I was taking a hiatus from dating, but I had dinner yesterday with a very nice man.  Joe brought me red roses and was an absolute gentleman.  He opened my car door, the restaurant door, helped me out of the booth at the restaurant, and so on.  He was very chatty, but it was nice to get to know him better. He and I met online, and he was quick to say how nice it was to meet someone who looked JUST like her photos.  Of course, my photos are recent!! He has met two other women (he's new to online dating)who had displayed OLD photographs. (In browsing profiles, I've seen photos that were dated 1994! Why would anyone misrepresent themselves that way?)

While we were eating, he asked to see me again, and I said yes.  We went to Long Horn Steakhouse, where I'd never been.  I ordered the parmesan-crusted chicken, which was two grilled chicken breasts COVERED with cheese, and mashed potatoes with a Caesar salad.  I ate a few bites of my salad, a small slice of the crusty wheat bread and about 2/3 of the one of the chicken breasts together with a few bites of mashed potatoes.  It was really delicious.

Joe is NOTHING like any of the men I've ever dated.  He's quite a bit older than I, VERY Southern and pretty well off financially.  Totally not my type, which may be that he IS my type completely!  I'm going to see him again and see what happens.  Why not? 

I've lost another four pounds--I'm now about 13 pounds heavier than I was in high school.  I'm probably a smaller size than high school; the weight isn't a very good indicator as I have so much loose skin.  (Ugh.  I should ask all my readers to send me a few dollars so I can pay for plastic surgery!  LOL!)  

Saturday, I went to Wilmington to spend the day with Shannon, my ex's granddaughter.  God, I love that kid!  When I was in NY last month, I bought her a Tinkerbell lamp--she loves Tink, and she loved the gift.  She and I and her grandmother, Nina, went to lunch (where Nina and I shared the greasiest fish I've ever eaten) and then to the movies to see The Odd Life of Timothy Green.  I won't spoil the plot for anyone who hasn't seen it, but very early on, I saw the direction in which it was going and started crying like a baby!   By the end of the movie, I had gone through four tissues and a wad of napkins!  Nina cried toward the end, too, but Shannon just seemed to enjoy herself.

I was freezing in the movie theatre.  Part of my problem is my thyroid--I have a hard time adjusting to temperature.  The other thing, of course, is that I've lost 127 pounds of padding!  I have purchased a few light wraps over the past couple months--little "cardigans" to shield myself, but I didn't take it into the movie!  I DID take it with me to the restaurant yesterday--thank goodness, because the place was freezing!  It's been super hot here the past few days, and the contrast between the outside temperature and the inside temperature is just too hard to deal with!

It's Labor Day, which means autumn isn't far behind.  I'm glad--I have some new fall clothing that I really want to wear!  And maybe if it gets a little cooler, my 4th period students will be more inclined to do some work.  I'm spending MY Labor Day working--I have quite a bit of school work to do and my house is a mess.  I hope you're spending yours doing something at least a LITTLE entertaining.  Have a great day, and as always, thanks for reading!

First-date roses!

The Handicapped Stall and Other Habits...

It's been a heck of a week!  School started on Monday, and two of my three classes (90 minutes each, we're on block schedule) are just wonderful!  The other is the worst behaved group of kids I've EVER known.  A large majority of them are repeating English 9 for the 2nd, 3rd or 4th time!  I'm blessed to have a VERY proactive administration, though, and they are helping me sort things out.  Some students may even be transferred out!

After school today, I worked "gate duty" at the JV and varsity soccer games with one of my colleagues.  We have to do two duties a year, and Charetta and I are doing another game together in October.  We had fun chitchatting and I showed her my "before" picture.  She was very complimentary and said, "I can't believe you were that big.  You don't look like you were that big."  It was nice to hear, but the truth is, I WAS that big...and sometimes I still think I am.  During the gate duty, I went to the ladies' room and walked into the handicapped stall, which I used to use every time I went to the bathroom.  Why?  Because it's larger.  It allowed me room to move whereas the standard stalls never did.

Of course I don't need the larger stall anymore, but my first reaction was to walk into it--out of habit.  It got me thinking about all the things I do out of habit--including avoiding mirrors (especially those that are full length) and wincing when I see chairs with arms.  I still feel like "big Rhonda" more days than not.  When I shop, I have a really hard time picking out the right size clothing! A week or two ago, I went to Walmart and bought a $9 pair of black knit pants that are good for school.  I went to put them on Tuesday morning to wear to school.  They were a size large--12-14--and they were absolutely GIGANTIC.  I thought maybe I'm "getting better" about estimating size, as I held them up and knew immediately that they were too big! I took them back and bought a size medium--10-12--which are still a little loose but much better than the first pair!

It's a habit I need to break--I never used to try on clothing.  As long as it covered me, I was happy with it.  Now I need to seek out styles that flatter and fit well.  No more baggy clothes for this woman!

I have a VERY long day ahead of me...school until 3:30, but there's a football game at 7:30, and it's stupid for me to go home just to turn around and go back to school! I have plenty of school work to keep me busy, though!  And I love being at a school with a good athletic program!

Have a fabulous Friday! (And enjoy the weekend!)

Weddings and Shopping and School, Oh My!

Saturday, I attended the wedding of a very sweet former colleague.  Kimberly and Steve make a lovely couple, and I wish them all the happiness in the world.  (Although I really thought Steve was going to pass out during the ceremony!)  Kimberly is very petite and looked like a bride doll!  They are honeymooning in Charleston, and during their ceremony, I had a bit of an epiphany.

I want to get married again.  I do.  I don't necessarily want the white wedding thing, but I DO want to find someone with whom I can spend the rest of my life.  I'm hoping that moving to a new school--and a huge district--will help me meet Mr. Right.  I'm done playing with "Mr. Right Now".  I have a date for Wednesday evening, and if he's not right, I'm done.  I'm not going to waste any more time and energy--emotional and physical--dating men who are looking for "friends with benefits" or who are undecided about their lives and their relationships.

Okay, that addresses "weddings", now on to shopping!  I'm becoming a fashionista!  I am.  I shopped like a mad woman while I was in New York last week.  At Kohl's, I picked up a rust-colored cardigan by Apt. 9 and a lightweight mock turtle by Vera Wang for a total of $24.00!  My receipt read that I saved $109!  I also shopped at Boscov's, saving about $90 more on tops and a cute skirt.  I found a cardigan with a matching camisole at Target that were both on sale for more than 25 percent off.  As I put my new things on hangers and placed them in my closet, I became giddy!  I'm so excited to be able to wear new clothes!  SMALLER clothes.  I know I've said it before, but it bears repeating--I used to dress to cover my body; now I'm dressing to enhance it!

And finally, school.  Today is the official first day of the school year for teachers; students come back next Monday.  I look forward to it like I can't even express!  A new start with a new attitude and new clothing, I'm thrilled.  We don't all get second chances in life--so this is BIG! And I promise to enjoy every minute of it!

Have a magnificent Monday!


Oh...and here's a pic from the reception! I think I look pretty good...and I KNOW that dress is NOT something I would have even dreamed of wearing before!

 

Ch-ch-changes!

Sorry I haven't written much this week, but things have been crazy trying to get ready for school.  I've been inundated with paperwork--it's incredible.  I'm going in today for a new employee orientation and to work on my classroom a little, then I have a date with a new guy tonight followed by a short trip to NY Saturday.  I'll be up there from Saturday through Wednesday.

I'm excited about most of the newness going on in my life.  A new job, a new guy (maybe), new clothing, a new town...new, new, new.  Yesterday, I stopped at my old school--well, at least it was SUPPOSED to be my old school.  Everything is different.  The library has been turned into a huge computer lab; the nurse's office is now the "CEO"s office; the teachers' mailboxes are no longer in the admin building; and the lovely welcoming blue and gold (school colors) have been replaced by a cold, sterile yellowish beige and vomit green. 

Not all change is good, but it IS inevitable.  So just go with it!  Have a fabulous Friday!

Happy Rebirthday to Me, Part 2

I had such a great time on Sunday that I've had to take a couple days to decompress!  While we did go on other types of rides, this day was all about the roller coasters--and did we ride them!  We rode the Intimidator, which as I said is the highest roller coaster in the southeastern US.  The Carolina Cobra is like a slingshot where the coaster is pulled backwards and then released to go thru loops, upside down and up again before stopping and then doing it all over again backwards!  The Vortex is a stand-up coaster, which was a completely new experience for me. The Hurler was a large wooden coaster that practically lived up to its name--with tight curves and slamming dips!  The Cyclone was a yellow and purple beast that hurt my ears!  (It was so jarring that my earrings were pressed into the back of my head--ouch!)  Ricochet was a little four-person car that takes such tight corners that it feels like you're going to go careening off the track!  The NightHawk was the most intense of the coasters we rode.  In fact, Tiana wouldn't even ride it!  Her friend Sophia and I did, though.  The rider starts in a seated position, but then the seats lie flat.  And then during the ride, the prone riders go from facing the sky to facing the ground! This was especially hard over the water!  I had to close my eyes for most of the ride--it was just too much!  We did ride both the Vortex and the Carolina Cobra twice!

While we were waiting to take our second ride on the Cobra, something interesting happened.  Two large ladies were attempting to ride the coaster.  Inasmuch as we had already been in it, and I knew how small the cars were, I told Tiana that there was no way they were going to fit.  We watched as two attendants tried to press the lap restraint down so that it would lock in place.  One attendant was literally on top of the woman pushing the bar.  The ride operator asked the one woman to sit up in the car as much as possible, and then one of the attendants tried sitting on the restraint to press it into place, but their efforts were unsuccessful.  This went on for about five or six minutes.  The women finally got up and left the ride, laughing as they did.

This was a very somber moment for me.  First, I felt empathy.  These women may have been laughing on the outside, but I'm sure they weren't totally sincere in their laughter.  Additionally, it brought back my own horrible experience at Hershey Park 15 years ago when I couldn't ride the Comet wooden roller coaster because I couldn't fit in the car.  My heart broke for these ladies--and even Tiana said that the incident gave her a better understanding of how humiliated I must have felt all those years ago.  And humiliated was the right word.  I was humiliated.  It was horribly painful.  And it was also why I chose to spend my rebirthday on roller coasters.  

I think we look pretty great.  Of course, this was BEFORE the coasters!  (L-R, Tiana, me, Sophia).

I definitely will go back again--next year and every rebirthday from now on.  It was great to look like a kid again...to feel like a kid again...to fit in seats I never could have without this surgery.  

I spoke to Nina about having such a great time, and she reminded me that this is just the beginning.  I will have other opportunities like this one.  I'll be able to go places, to do things without restriction, without worrying about whether or not I can fit on the rides or in the plane seats or in the tiny chairs.  It's a freedom I have NEVER known.  The possibilities of life have increased exponentially for me--and I will be forever grateful!

Have a wonderful Wednesday!