I'm BACK...with a case of the IDGAFs.

My dear friend, Jeanie, convinced me to start writing again, so here I am.  When I started this blog nearly four years ago, I did so to document my journey through bariatric surgery, better known as gastric bypass.

It's been four years on August 5, and I've kept most of the 145 pounds off.  I have gained three pounds, but I'm totally comfortable with that.  I wear between a medium and a large top, a small in some knit pants, and a 12 or 14 in dresses and jeans.  My hair is longer than it's ever been; I have a new tattoo on my wrist; I shop at Rue 21 (where I find great bargains--$2 tops?!) and two weeks ago, I pierced my nose!

So...this blog is no longer about losing weight. I'll be glad to answer any questions about weight loss surgery, of course, but my new focus is on the IDGAFs and how YOU can get a case of them, too.

For those of you who aren't sure what "IDGAF" means, it means "I don't give a F**K."  I think calling it the IDGAFs is a little more polite, but truth be told, no matter what you call it, it's the ONLY way to live your life.

We spend SO much of our lives worrying about what other people think.  Why?  Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”  She also said, “You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

Brilliant woman, that Eleanor.  She was said to be "less than attractive" but that didn't keep her from being the powerful, articulate, inspiring woman she was.

And whatever YOUR perceived flaw(s), it/they shouldn't stop you either!  I truly have stopped worrying about what other people think.  I'm living life for the first time, I think.  I go to amusement parks and ride the most ridiculously scary roller coasters.  I wear knee-length skirts after hiding my "fat" for years.  I smile at strangers.  I've always wanted to pierce my nose--I bought little magnetic fakes and even the type of stones that one glues on.  Finally, I did it.  And I LOVE it.  I've bought jewelry to switch out when it's time, and I can't wait.

Stop waiting for others' consent--real or perceived.  Life is short.  LIVE it.  One of my friends said of a Facebook photo that I keep "getting cuter."  I told her it's because I'm living--perhaps for the first time in my life.  And I am.

I want to hear that YOU are, too.  I'm back, people...I hope you're glad to have me here, but of course, I write this for myself (and maybe Jeanie...) so if you don't like it, well...IDGAF.  :-)  But then you knew that, right?

Have a great day!  AND LIVE.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today, I am 57 years old.  Fifty-seven!  Where does the time go?  I remember dropping a bottle of cologne (Heaven Sent) out of my locker onto the tile floor of my high school.  The bottle shattered and the locker (and the lockers next to it) smelled of Heaven Sent for weeks!  It seems like it was yesterday...not 40 years ago!

Where DOES the time go? It's been more than three years since I had my surgery, and even that seems like yesterday.  But it's been a good three years...with ups and downs, of course, but a good three years, nonetheless.  

And I know that it's three MORE years than I might've had if I hadn't had the gastric bypass when I did.  I saved my life the day I decided to have the surgery.  There are few moments of absolute certainty in life, but the surgery saved my life--of that I am completely certain.

I was almost diabetic.  My blood sugars were borderline for a year or more before the surgery.  My blood pressure was high--to the point where my doctor was getting ready to put me on medication for it.  My cholesterol was always pretty good--but trust me, that's a reflection of good genes more than it is indicative of my previous lifestyle.

My life is very different.  I am able to do more today than I've been able to do in years.  There's a stable close to my house, and when I get paid again (this once-a-month pay is ridiculous!), I'm going to go horseback riding.  I haven't been on a horse since I was about 14 years old.  But I love horses--I love all animals, and I cannot wait to ride again!  On October 4, I'm going to Carowinds in Charlotte with a few of the teachers from school (all three of them are in their 20s!) to ride roller coasters and to scream and to have a FABULOUS day! 

Who says life begins at 30?  Or 40?  Or even 50?  For me, it started on August 5, 2011, six weeks before my 54th birthday.  Talk about a roller coaster ride!  Peaks and valleys and screams of glee...I am SO happy to be alive!

So yes, happy 57 to me...here's looking forward to another 30 or so!

Chinese Food, Anyone?

In losing 127 pounds, I have gained a sense of courage I never realized I was missing.  From roller coasters to plummeting fair rides, I've become pretty fearless.  I think I'd go skydiving if the opportunity arose, and I'm DYING to go horseback riding!

And it was this fearlessness that pushed me to apply for a teaching job--in CHINA.  I don't think I really thought it out completely...there's NO WAY I could go to China now.  My mom is 81 years old, and, thankfully, she's in pretty good health.  But I wouldn't forgive myself if I was on the other side of the world when she needed me most!  So I emailed the company and told them I wanted to take my name out of the running for the position. They encouraged me to apply another time--and I may.  In the meantime, a little sesame chicken should do me just fine...

Have a great day, everyone!

All's Fair...STATE Fair, That Is...

I had a great time at the NC State Fair yesterday!  I met Shannon, her grandmother Nina and Nina's significant other, Frank who drove up from Wilmington.  We were later joined by Nina's son, Frankie.  We rode rides and had so much fun!

Shannon and I rode on three rides: the "Tilt-a-Whirl", "Alien Abduction" which was a centrifugal force kind of ride that Shannon didn't like much, and "The Scrambler", which was called the "Merry Mixer" when I was a kid.  Frank and I rode on something called "The Claw" which was scary, but not as scary as the "Drop Zone" or whatever it was called that Frank, Frankie and I went on.  Above is a picture of the three of us before we went up...and up...and up.  And the photo below shows us plummeting back to earth...

I had SO much fun, although my knees are so achy today from all the walking!  But I'm so proud of myself--I walked and walked, and I rode rides I never would have ridden (because 1. I wouldn't have FIT and 2. I was too afraid).  Food-wise, I didn't do badly at all: Frank, Nina and I shared a funnel cake and Nina and I picked at an onion blossom.  The onion was delicious, but I limited myself to a few "petals" and loved it.  Nina bought me a caramel apple, which I brought home and ate some of last night, saving the rest for today.

I was fantastic yesterday--fearless, fun, food-smart and fabulous!  What a great way to be!  Happy Sunday, everyone!

Happy Rebirthday to Me, Part 2

I had such a great time on Sunday that I've had to take a couple days to decompress!  While we did go on other types of rides, this day was all about the roller coasters--and did we ride them!  We rode the Intimidator, which as I said is the highest roller coaster in the southeastern US.  The Carolina Cobra is like a slingshot where the coaster is pulled backwards and then released to go thru loops, upside down and up again before stopping and then doing it all over again backwards!  The Vortex is a stand-up coaster, which was a completely new experience for me. The Hurler was a large wooden coaster that practically lived up to its name--with tight curves and slamming dips!  The Cyclone was a yellow and purple beast that hurt my ears!  (It was so jarring that my earrings were pressed into the back of my head--ouch!)  Ricochet was a little four-person car that takes such tight corners that it feels like you're going to go careening off the track!  The NightHawk was the most intense of the coasters we rode.  In fact, Tiana wouldn't even ride it!  Her friend Sophia and I did, though.  The rider starts in a seated position, but then the seats lie flat.  And then during the ride, the prone riders go from facing the sky to facing the ground! This was especially hard over the water!  I had to close my eyes for most of the ride--it was just too much!  We did ride both the Vortex and the Carolina Cobra twice!

While we were waiting to take our second ride on the Cobra, something interesting happened.  Two large ladies were attempting to ride the coaster.  Inasmuch as we had already been in it, and I knew how small the cars were, I told Tiana that there was no way they were going to fit.  We watched as two attendants tried to press the lap restraint down so that it would lock in place.  One attendant was literally on top of the woman pushing the bar.  The ride operator asked the one woman to sit up in the car as much as possible, and then one of the attendants tried sitting on the restraint to press it into place, but their efforts were unsuccessful.  This went on for about five or six minutes.  The women finally got up and left the ride, laughing as they did.

This was a very somber moment for me.  First, I felt empathy.  These women may have been laughing on the outside, but I'm sure they weren't totally sincere in their laughter.  Additionally, it brought back my own horrible experience at Hershey Park 15 years ago when I couldn't ride the Comet wooden roller coaster because I couldn't fit in the car.  My heart broke for these ladies--and even Tiana said that the incident gave her a better understanding of how humiliated I must have felt all those years ago.  And humiliated was the right word.  I was humiliated.  It was horribly painful.  And it was also why I chose to spend my rebirthday on roller coasters.  

I think we look pretty great.  Of course, this was BEFORE the coasters!  (L-R, Tiana, me, Sophia).

I definitely will go back again--next year and every rebirthday from now on.  It was great to look like a kid again...to feel like a kid again...to fit in seats I never could have without this surgery.  

I spoke to Nina about having such a great time, and she reminded me that this is just the beginning.  I will have other opportunities like this one.  I'll be able to go places, to do things without restriction, without worrying about whether or not I can fit on the rides or in the plane seats or in the tiny chairs.  It's a freedom I have NEVER known.  The possibilities of life have increased exponentially for me--and I will be forever grateful!

Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Happy Rebirthday to ME!!

I had an absolutely incredible time at Carowinds yesterday!! I'm yawning as I type this, though.  I got home around 12:45am and had to get up early for new teacher orientation in Greenville.  Fortunately, I didn't have to stay, so I'm home!  (The orientation was more for beginner teachers than for people new to the district.)

When we got to Carowinds, Tiana, her friend Sophia and I rode "The Intimidator", which is billed as "the tallest, fastest, and longest coaster in the Southeast".  The duration of the ride is 3 minute and 33 seconds.  It was incredible!!  Here's a "point of view" video from the front of the coaster:  

Awesome, right?  I want to write about the entire park experience, but I'm about to fall asleep! So this is part 1 of "Happy Rebirthday to me"...and I'll continue tomorrow!

Roller Coasters, Here I Come!

By the time you read this, I'll be at least on my WAY to Carowinds--if not already there, screaming my head off on a roller coaster!  I am so excited.  This day was a year in the making!  A year ago today, I went under the knife and had life-changing surgery.  It's been an amazing year of ups and downs.  Ups and downs in my personal and professional lives...and downs on the scale!

I've been through so much in the last 365 days.  I survived a hurricane, although I didn't think I would.  (Twenty-five trees fell on my property--and I swear I had PTSD as a result of living through that horror.  I was lucky enough that the only damage my cottage sustained was a tree falling on the wires to my electrical meter, which ripped the meter off the house, but the other falling trees missed the house--by less than a foot on three sides of the house--but missed it at least!)  I ended my engagement on that day, too.  He was supposed to come from Wilmington so that I wouldn't be alone, but he didn't.  Instead, he put on Facebook that he was worried about me, while NEVER calling to see if I was all right.  (Remember: this is the same guy who said he wasn't sure he could be attracted to me if I lost the weight...)  I broke up with him that evening, once the danger had passed. 

I bought a new (to me) car that reflects my personality and new body better than the old one did.  It's a bright blue 2010 Toyota Corolla--cute and economical.  I rejoined the Y and found that I don't float like I used to.  I flew home for a long weekend and made my mom happy when she saw how much weight I'd lost. I met Whit and had a pretty serious relationship with him--we dated for four months, but I ended that, too.  I went to Washington, DC with the senior class and walked all over the city--a trip I had been excluded from in previous years because I just wasn't in shape to do all the walking.  

I lost my job.  It was incredibly devastating, but I've survived--and maybe even benefited.  I have a new job with better hours, better technology and better benefits.  I feel appreciated by my administrators and coworkers already!  I met Kevin and revisited my love of trivia!  I reconnected with countless friends thanks to Facebook.  Oh, and I lost ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-THREE POUNDS!  123 pounds!  That's an adult woman!  Incredible to me!

Well, it's been a year of amazing ups and downs--and I'm spending my day pursuing ups and down on the 13 roller coasters at Carowinds. Mine will be SCREAMING, but I wish for you a serene Sunday!  Thanks for reading...the second best thing to come out of this year?  YOU as my readers!

Ups, Downs and More UPS!

Today, I'm having lunch with Renee, Dorothy, Belinda and Shannon.  Seven weeks ago yesterday, we all met at Chili's and cried about losing our jobs.  (Except Dorothy, who was laid off a year ago.) At that time, I was feeling somewhat optimistic and said, "In August, we'll be back here celebrating new jobs!"  And while I've been plagued with DOUBT these past seven weeks, my prediction came true.  All of us have been successful in finding work except Belinda who has decided to stay home awhile because her husband needs surgery.

Yesterday, I saw the doctor for my one-year post-surgical checkup.  I've lost a total of 123 pounds.  At first I thought it was 121.5 but I redid the math.  (There's a reason I teach English and not math!)  Everyone at the office was so complimentary!  And for my one-year anniversary, they gave me a certificate for a free photo sitting and portrait!  When I was big, I wouldn't have thought about using it, but I certainly will now!

After my appointment, I stopped at Kevin's to pick up my copy of The Artist, which I had let him borrow a few weeks ago.  It was good to see him--awkward but good.  He's doing very well after the surgery--much better than I did a week out--walking two miles a day and feeling pretty strong.  He definitely looks better than I did!  And yes, I still have feelings for him...real feelings.  We hugged hello and goodbye, and he asked me to let him know about my new job, so maybe...who knows?

My official anniversary date is Sunday, 8/5.  I'm going to Carowinds, an amusement park, and I'm going to ride as many rides as I can!  I haven't been able to ride for at least 15 years.  Fifteen years ago, I took my friend Sue's daughter, Amanda, to Hershey Park.  When it came time to ride the wooden roller coaster, I couldn't fit.  I was humiliated beyond belief, and that was the last time I even TRIED to go to an amusement park.  A fitting way to celebrate a 123-pound weight loss, right?  Amazingly, the physician's assistant I saw yesterday said HE spent his one-year anniversary the SAME way!

It's been seven weeks of ups and downs--depression upon getting laid off, then euphoria at the prospect of job interviews, feeling despondent when I wasn't hired and finally giddiness at finding not just "a job" but what feels like the "right job"!  What better way to celebrate than by ending the summer (I have new teacher orientation all next week) on a series of "ups and downs"--ROLLER COASTERS?!  Have a wonderful Wednesday, everyone!

Reinventing Rhonda

Sorry I haven't written in a few days, but I've been busy--catching up on sleep!  I didn't realize how poorly I'd been sleeping after I was laid off.  I think I've caught up now...after days of naps and going to bed early!  I realized while I was unemployed that I was stressed, but I didn't fully realize how it was affecting my sleep!  

Today, I'm going to Raleigh to meet my friend Mary Caroline and her husband (and possibly daughter--I'm not sure if I followed that thread of the conversation) for lunch at the Twisted Fork.  They have an amazing Thai chicken salad that I love!  I saw Mary Caroline two weeks ago when I was in New York, but I haven't seen her husband in years, so it'll be a great visit!

After lunch, I'm going to my new school to meet with the department chair, to see my room and get my books.  I'm so excited!  Most teachers are already dreading the beginning of the school year, but I can't wait!  

Reinvention.  That's what I'm going through.  I'm reinventing myself.  The people at this new school don't know me, so they don't know I was fat.  They don't need to know, either, unless I choose to tell them.  I have a new body, a new outlook and now a new job.  It's really a great time for a shiny new beginning!

You don't have to wait for something monumental to happen in order to reinvent yourself.  There's no time like the present.  If there's something you want to change, change it!  You can't rewrite your history, but you CAN choose how it paints your future.  Have a marvelous Monday!

The Confidence Game

I had a job interview yesterday.  It went pretty well, but truthfully, it was in an outlying area where I'm not sure I'd like to teach.  But...I need a job, so if they offer, I may take it.

I went to the interview feeling fully confident.  I had on my "power panties" and everything!  My "power panties" are a pair of hot pink panties that, no matter how staid the rest of my outfit, remind me that I "pop" with color! You know how politicians and businessmen wear "power ties"?  Same idea!

Other than the first two days after finding out I'd been laid off, I've been pretty confident about finding another job.  After all, I applied to five schools and immediately had two phone calls and interviews.  I haven't heard anything from either of those schools--and I know, it hasn't been a week, but it's still disheartening.  And yesterday afternoon, I hit a wall of despair.  I felt lost.  My confidence was gone.  I suddenly felt unemployed and worthless! So much of my self-image is identified by my role as a teacher.  I've always known that, but to be unemployed...wow.  It didn't help that I signed up for unemployment benefits.  I have NEVER in my life collected unemployment, and I've been working since I was 17 years old.

But I'm blessed with great friends who are super supportive.  Kevin could sense I was down through my text messages, so he called and gave me the support I needed.  I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and I applied to FIVE more schools.  Five more, including one that's looking for an English/Yearbook teacher.  (I've done yearbook for the last eight years.)  Sounds almost tailor-made for me.  And once again, my confidence was restored.

As much as Kevin's words soothed (and they did), and as much support as I've received from others, my confidence didn't come from them.  It came from within.  It came when I took action.  I took control and DID something about the situation.  I've always been fiercely independent--and taking action was the first step in taking back some control.

Martha had to cancel our trip to King's Dominion, so I'm hanging around the house this morning and may be seeing her for lunch this afternoon.  I was really disappointed that we had to cancel, but who knows?  Maybe I'm supposed to be home to field a call or email for another interview?!  Have a terrific Tuesday!

Good Bye, Ruby Tuesday...

Where does Ruby Tuesday get off charging a $2 upcharge for adults who order kids' meals? Grrr.  As I'm sure you can tell, it pisses me off.  It's not the $2--I wasn't even paying--but the principle of the thing!  I wasn't ordering from the kids' menu to save money but because I can't eat more than that.  I didn't get the "included" kids' drink; I showed them my "surgical card", so why did they charge us an additional $2?? I didn't want their stupid "garden bar".  (And their cheddar herb biscuits do not even compare to Red Lobster's--ugh.)  So what's the deal?  The grilled chicken was okay--not the best I've ever had.  And the mashed potatoes were gluey.  The company was good--and some things seem to be worth taking second look...but I won't be making a second visit to Ruby Tuesday!

Anyway, heading out to the beach today.  And planning on going to King's Dominion on Tuesday.  I've been reluctant to "enjoy" my "summer break" because without a job, it's not really summer break--it's unemployment!  Still, I'm due for some fun--and I haven't been able to enjoy the beach or amusement park rides in a very long time!  As a result, I'm really looking forward to both!!

Have a sensational Sunday, everyone!!

Is It Summer Yet?

This is always a difficult time of the year.  We teachers want to prepare our students for exams, and the students (for the most part) have already checked out.  They have lousy attitudes, don't want to study and they think they know everything.

I so need to get to the beach!  I'm really looking forward to the beach because for the first time ever, I know that I'll look pretty good in my swimsuit.  Not great, but definitely on the way!  It's an exciting time for me!  Between going to the beach and riding amusement park rides, I have serious PLANS!

It's Wednesday, for which I am GRATEFUL!  I hope you have a great day!

The Countdown Begins...

There are just four weeks left of school.  Seriously.  Graduation is four weeks from Friday.  Isn't that wild?  The school year is almost over.  It's almost summer.  Yay!

It's been a long school year.  We've had a lot of changes, some of which have been great, some of which have been difficult, but I'm looking forward to this summer like no other!  Mostly because it's like there's a new ME in town!  I've been looking at summer clothes, thinking about the beach and amusement parks and thinking about how DIFFERENT this summer is going to be for me, more than 110 pounds smaller than I was last summer!

About 10 years ago, I tried to ride a roller coaster at Hershey Park in Pennsylvania.  It was an older, wooden roller coaster, and my butt wouldn't fit in the seat.  I was mortified and that was the last time I even attempted to get on a ride at an amusement park.  And I've missed them.  A lot.  I love that scary-but-exciting feeling of creeping upwards, ever so slowly chug-chug-chugging your way to the top of the peak before screaming in excitement as the car goes careening down the first big hill!  

This summer is going to be different--and I'm ready.  I'm ready to scream with excitement, to ride all the rides until I'm dizzy, to hang out on the beach in my new swimsuit and not worry (perhaps for the first time EVER) about how I look.  It's Tuesday--hope yours is terrific.  Is it summer yet?  

A Roller Coaster?

Yesterday, in relation to a poem we were discussing in class, I asked my seniors if one can be in love with two people at the same time.  (The poem is "On Loving Two Equally" by Aphra Behn, and it's satirical.)  In order to fully discuss the situation, I found that we first had to talk about the difference between "being in love" and "loving".

Their responses were interesting, and a couple of my students said something pretty deep--that love grows and stays whereas "in love" is transitory.  Well, they didn't use the word "transitory", but you get the picture.  Most of my students, though, thought that being IN love is only for romantic love and "loving" someone means in a platonic way, the way you love your dog or your parents.

Of course they asked my opinion, and I shared it, but only after careful consideration.  I think that being "in love" is that "butterflies-in-the-stomach, I-miss-you-when-you're-gone, can't-get-enough" feeling at the beginning of a relationship.  If we're lucky, it morphs into love--which is that "yeah-you're-stinky-sometimes" and "sometimes-you-make-me-so-mad-but-I-still-value-you-as-a-person-in-my-life" feeling. 

Right now, I'm in love with Whit, but I definitely see signs that it's morphing into love.  The starry eyes are nice, but I see him (and myself) clearly most times we're together.  I think that too many people walk away from a relationship (or marriage) when the "in love" feelings change.  But think of those feelings as a roller coaster. Would you REALLY want to be on a roller coaster 24/7?  Of course not.  Know that a relationship--a good relationship--is the park around the roller coaster.  Yes, while on the ride you had a blast.  You laughed and screamed, but you were also very glad to be back on solid ground when it was over.  Don't walk away from the amusement park (the relationship) completely...instead, go get a snack.  Or walk on the midway.  The roller coaster will be there the next time you want to take the ride, IF you remember how to find your way back to it!

Have a thoughtful Thursday, everyone!