Say 'Cheese'!

I thought that it was time to update my panel photo.  I HATE "selfies" taken in a mirror, but I'm home alone tonight, so...

I went back to work/school on Monday and it's been a pretty good week.  Hard to believe it's Wednesday already!  People around me at school are sick--and it seems that ALL kinds of things are going around!  Stomach bugs, flu, sore throats, bronchitis, laryngitis and so on...all things I don't want right now!!!

Truth is, I think I'm healthier now.  That sounds stupid.  Of COURSE I'm healthier now as far as my weight goes--my blood pressure is normal, my heart is healthy, etc.  But I think that my general health is better now, too.  (Knock on wood!)

The only problem I've been having is sleeping all night--and it sucks.  I wake up almost EVERY morning at 3:30...almost like clockwork.  Last night was the first night that I woke up and went RIGHT back to sleep--and I didn't expect to because I had had a little iced tea before hand!  I drink so very little caffeine, I thought that it would really bother me.  The tea I had yesterday was the first in about a month; I drink spring water almost exclusively.

So...what do you think of the new pic?  Between the pounds (145 gone) and the new 'do, I hardly recognize myself some days!  But it's a really GOOD change!

Little Girl Lost...

Before one has gastric bypass surgery, one has to go through some rather rigorous testing, including consultations with a cardiologist, gastroenterologist, nutritionist and psychologist.  I passed all these tests with flying colors, or I wouldn't have been able to have the surgery.  However, even with all the tests, with all the support, no one prepared me for what's going on in my life today.

I feel lost, for lack of a better term.  I don't recognize the person I used to look like, but I don't recognize the NEW body, either.  Here's a photo that my friend Dorothy took the day I had  my two-week post-surgical visit where I was (finally) allowed to eat solid food.  The photo commemorates my first bite of mashed potatoes.

 

By the time this photo was taken, I had lost about 20 pounds (and I had lost 5 before the surgery), so I probably weighed 280.  I honestly don't remember being THAT big. I KNOW that I was, but I never saw myself that big.

This photo was taken yesterday by my former student, Naomi.  We went to lunch and then shopping where I had to buy a belt.  (For the first time in my life!)  I wasn't sure that she was taking a photo of me--I actually thought she was taking a photo of the little dog sculpture.)

I'm not sure who that woman is.  Seriously.  It's MY shirt and purse, but whose BODY is that?  When people see me for the first time in a long time, they blurt, "You're so small!"  Cherry, at the Thai restaurant, said it.  Deborah, whom I hadn't seen in ages, didn't recognize me until I said, "It's me, Rhonda!"  Her reply was, "You're so small!"  So it must be true, right?  And yet, I don't FEEL small.  It's a bizarre paradox...I don't think I'm as big as the old photos show me to be, but I certainly don't FEEL as small as I look in this photo.  Having a concept of "self" is just foreign to me today.

I've had a hard time articulating this to the people in my life--and even to myself.  I hope this makes some sense...and if anyone else has had this body-image issue, PLEASE leave me a comment!!

Get Your Nose Out of MY Business!!

When I started this blog in August 2011, I did so for two reasons: 1) to help myself through the process and 2) to help others who might have similar issues or who might be considering bariatric surgery for weight loss.  

I did NOT intend this blog to be a window into my life for my exes and their ridiculously nosy friends.  However, it seems that it's become that.

James has a so-called "Christian" friend named Angie.  Angie apparently has made it her mission to keep him apprised of all that's going on in my life--and it seems she couldn't wait to tell James and his current girlfriend, Jo, about my decision to move back to NY to be with my mom.

I'm sick--I have a sinus infection and really need to get some sleep, but I can't go to sleep without addressing this issue, so here goes:

Angie, mind your own DAMNED business.  I mean it.  Stop reading my blog.  It was never intended as a source of your gossip.  And "Christians" like you are why I stopped going to church.  You are small minded, judgmental and petty.  What's going on in MY life is MY business.  Not yours.  Nor is it James'.  He lost any right to know what's going on with me when he decided he couldn't be attracted to me when I lost the weight and when he left me alone during a freaking hurricane, not calling to check on me, but posting on Facebook how "worried" he was about me.

I would hate to stop writing this blog, because I know that it's helped other people.  It's helped ME. But if Angie cannot stop gossiping about MY life, I'm going to have to do just that.  In the meantime, Angie, if you're reading this (and I'm sure you ARE), tell James I said that this blog is no longer a source of entertainment for EITHER of you.  I'm sorry that your lives are so prosaic that you have nothing better to do, but I refuse to be a source of entertainment for either of you.  Angie, go to church and pray for forgiveness...and tell James he STILL owes me money for the laptop I bought him for his birthday. (Cheapskate that HE is, I always paid whenever and wherever we went--tickets to see "Wicked" on Broadway, tickets to Medieval Times, the movies, dinner, etc, etc, etc...)

 

New Year's Resolutions

I tend not to make resolutions for the New Year as I (like most people) don't tend to keep them.  However, this year, I'm making a few, and here they are:

1) I'm leaving North Carolina and moving back to New York.  Yep.  That's a biggie, I know, but I believe it's time.  First, my mom is going to be 82 in April, and I think she needs me.  More important than that is that I need her.  I know that the day will come when she's no longer around, but I would like to postpone that for as long as possible.  I've been away 10 years now.  And it's been an interesting, productive and painful 10 years.  I've tried talking her into moving down here--moving away from the cold weather, but she hasn't and now says it's too late.  And it may well be.  I'm younger, healthier (especially now) and a move would be easier for me.  So I'm going to do it.  I'm going to work the rest of this school year, and then I'm going to move back north.  I'm a New Yorker in my heart.  It's always been true--we New Yorkers are a special breed.  We're fast, smart, liberally minded, tough and independent...and I've never completely fit in here.  I spent the holidays in NY, and it was cold and snowy, and I still hate the snow, but I love my mom more.  So come June, I'm packing up and heading home.

2) I'm going to write more.  Here and with my novels.  I'm going to edit and send the two books I've written to agents.  I'm going to find an agent this year.  I'm a talented wordsmith--it's time I get recognition for that.

3) I'm going to date more.  After Kevin, I retreated into myself a little.  I found myself disinterested in going back "out there", even though I DID date a few men.  I just wasn't really interested in pursuing anything beyond a first or second date.  But I'm going to start.  I am.  I have a single friend in Raleigh, and she  and I are going to go to a few "meet-up" events together.  I'm not looking for anything serious down here--but that doesn't mean I can't have fun for the next six months!

4) I'm going to work out more.  I'm not going to join a gym here in NC, but I will start walking more and start toning.  I've lost a lot of weight--and I look good in clothes, but naked?  Not so much.  It's time to firm up and that's my goal for this year.

There you have it.  Four resolutions.  Not too many, and none of which is unattainable.   Create your own list, but remember to make it short and sweet.  And don't beat yourself up if you don't keep your resolutions...you always have 2014!

Have a very happy New Year, all...and make yourself your number one priority this year.  That's an order!

Reflecting

I have spent some time reflecting on life in the past year...the choices I've made, the relationships I've had and the plans I want to make.

First, my job.  I've always loved teaching.  This semester at this new school has been really tough.  I have a group of students who are rude and disrespectful--with no understanding of how education can improve their lives.  I've tried everything without success.  As a result, I have found that I have lost some of my love of teaching--and I promised myself that when that happened, I'd leave teaching.  I am going to finish this school year and look for something else.  I have a diverse skill set--I can work in a medical office, a law office, a hospital, even a restaurant.  I can type, do spreadsheets, write well.  There are all kinds of possibilities for me, and I'm going to check them out.

Relationships.  First, I think I've figured out why things didn't work out with Whit.  He was fat.  Really fat.  As wide as he was short.  And I resented that.  I resented that I worked so hard to lose the weight, and he just ate whatever he wanted.  It's not that I dislike big men--truth is, I actually prefer a man with a little meat on his bones, but Whit was so fat that it affected our lives.  We couldn't be terribly active because he didn't have the energy.  And our sex life?  Ugh.  He wasn't healthy enough to have active sex, so it was awful.

And Kevin?  He didn't really want a relationship.  I was a diversion to keep him busy until he had his gastric bypass.  Like I've written before, he believed that when he lost weight, women would fall at his feet.  I hope that's working out for him.

And I think I owe James an apology.  I think he has an emotional disorder, so I shouldn't have disparaged him in writing.  I don't think he can help himself.  He should get some help, but that's HIS problem now...not mine.

Yesterday, I saw a former student and her mother.  She hugged me and said, "Mom, Ms. Harvey is..." I turned to her and said, "What?  Finish the sentence.  Ms. Harvey is what?"  She said, "Hot!"  I laughed and said, "Thank you.  Now, Ms. Harvey needs a man!"  They laughed.  I laughed.  But I think...I'm not sure...but I think I meant it!

Standard time is back! Yay!  I've missed it!! It'll be nice to wake up and get around in the daylight rather than in the pitch blackness I've had recently!

It's November which means that I'm writing my novel for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo).  As a result, I won't be blogging much, but I will write when I can.  

Have a great Sunday--and stay warm, wherever you are!

Chinese Food, Anyone?

In losing 127 pounds, I have gained a sense of courage I never realized I was missing.  From roller coasters to plummeting fair rides, I've become pretty fearless.  I think I'd go skydiving if the opportunity arose, and I'm DYING to go horseback riding!

And it was this fearlessness that pushed me to apply for a teaching job--in CHINA.  I don't think I really thought it out completely...there's NO WAY I could go to China now.  My mom is 81 years old, and, thankfully, she's in pretty good health.  But I wouldn't forgive myself if I was on the other side of the world when she needed me most!  So I emailed the company and told them I wanted to take my name out of the running for the position. They encouraged me to apply another time--and I may.  In the meantime, a little sesame chicken should do me just fine...

Have a great day, everyone!

All's Fair...STATE Fair, That Is...

I had a great time at the NC State Fair yesterday!  I met Shannon, her grandmother Nina and Nina's significant other, Frank who drove up from Wilmington.  We were later joined by Nina's son, Frankie.  We rode rides and had so much fun!

Shannon and I rode on three rides: the "Tilt-a-Whirl", "Alien Abduction" which was a centrifugal force kind of ride that Shannon didn't like much, and "The Scrambler", which was called the "Merry Mixer" when I was a kid.  Frank and I rode on something called "The Claw" which was scary, but not as scary as the "Drop Zone" or whatever it was called that Frank, Frankie and I went on.  Above is a picture of the three of us before we went up...and up...and up.  And the photo below shows us plummeting back to earth...

I had SO much fun, although my knees are so achy today from all the walking!  But I'm so proud of myself--I walked and walked, and I rode rides I never would have ridden (because 1. I wouldn't have FIT and 2. I was too afraid).  Food-wise, I didn't do badly at all: Frank, Nina and I shared a funnel cake and Nina and I picked at an onion blossom.  The onion was delicious, but I limited myself to a few "petals" and loved it.  Nina bought me a caramel apple, which I brought home and ate some of last night, saving the rest for today.

I was fantastic yesterday--fearless, fun, food-smart and fabulous!  What a great way to be!  Happy Sunday, everyone!

You're Not Getting Older...You're Getting Better!

That tagline was used in an ad campaign in 1971 by Loving Care hair color.  (While I remembered the slogan, I confess I had to Google the company who used it!).  But for me tonight, that saying is more than a memory from my childhood--it's the truth!

Today, I did something I couldn't have done last year.  Or the year before.  Or for the last twenty years!  I completed a challenge course with a group of colleagues at a place in Ayden called "The Refuge."  We had a half day at school, and the intention was for us to get some relaxation and do some team building at this place.  A "light lunch" consisting of hot dogs (ugh) was served and then we were free to do whatever we wanted.  Some people played basketball, some went to yoga, and my intention was to read as I took my Kindle with me.

A group that was going to do the challenge course loaded up on the tractor wagon near the table where we were eating, and Pam, a colleague, asked me to join them.  I demurred...then changed my mind!  And am I ever so glad that I did!

Ultimately, I was more physically active today than I ever was!  I actually went over a cable spool that was suspended about 5 1/2 feet in the air!  I am a little achy tonight, but I'm also so very proud of myself.  As I came over the spool, I hugged the teacher who caught me.  And I cried.  

It's important to note that I didn't want to do the last challenge.  And the reason I didn't was because I didn't believe I could do it.  I also didn't want to depend on my coworkers to lift me over the spool, given the fact that I still think I weigh 300 pounds.  I know, in my rational mind, that I am smaller, but to feel that...to live it...I don't really know it at all.

We posed for the photo below as a group after we all completed the challenge course.  I didn't hide behind anyone, and while I think I look a little "lumpy" in the picture (I wish I'd adjusted my shirt!), I'm proud of it, too.  

It is FRIDAY.  Hope yours is fabulous...just one more week until payday!  (In taking this job, I also took a SEVENTEEN THOUSAND dollar pay cut--and went from getting paid twice a month to once a month. I literally have $3 to my name...) But at least I have my health!

The End of Summer and the Beginning of...?

I know I said I was taking a hiatus from dating, but I had dinner yesterday with a very nice man.  Joe brought me red roses and was an absolute gentleman.  He opened my car door, the restaurant door, helped me out of the booth at the restaurant, and so on.  He was very chatty, but it was nice to get to know him better. He and I met online, and he was quick to say how nice it was to meet someone who looked JUST like her photos.  Of course, my photos are recent!! He has met two other women (he's new to online dating)who had displayed OLD photographs. (In browsing profiles, I've seen photos that were dated 1994! Why would anyone misrepresent themselves that way?)

While we were eating, he asked to see me again, and I said yes.  We went to Long Horn Steakhouse, where I'd never been.  I ordered the parmesan-crusted chicken, which was two grilled chicken breasts COVERED with cheese, and mashed potatoes with a Caesar salad.  I ate a few bites of my salad, a small slice of the crusty wheat bread and about 2/3 of the one of the chicken breasts together with a few bites of mashed potatoes.  It was really delicious.

Joe is NOTHING like any of the men I've ever dated.  He's quite a bit older than I, VERY Southern and pretty well off financially.  Totally not my type, which may be that he IS my type completely!  I'm going to see him again and see what happens.  Why not? 

I've lost another four pounds--I'm now about 13 pounds heavier than I was in high school.  I'm probably a smaller size than high school; the weight isn't a very good indicator as I have so much loose skin.  (Ugh.  I should ask all my readers to send me a few dollars so I can pay for plastic surgery!  LOL!)  

Saturday, I went to Wilmington to spend the day with Shannon, my ex's granddaughter.  God, I love that kid!  When I was in NY last month, I bought her a Tinkerbell lamp--she loves Tink, and she loved the gift.  She and I and her grandmother, Nina, went to lunch (where Nina and I shared the greasiest fish I've ever eaten) and then to the movies to see The Odd Life of Timothy Green.  I won't spoil the plot for anyone who hasn't seen it, but very early on, I saw the direction in which it was going and started crying like a baby!   By the end of the movie, I had gone through four tissues and a wad of napkins!  Nina cried toward the end, too, but Shannon just seemed to enjoy herself.

I was freezing in the movie theatre.  Part of my problem is my thyroid--I have a hard time adjusting to temperature.  The other thing, of course, is that I've lost 127 pounds of padding!  I have purchased a few light wraps over the past couple months--little "cardigans" to shield myself, but I didn't take it into the movie!  I DID take it with me to the restaurant yesterday--thank goodness, because the place was freezing!  It's been super hot here the past few days, and the contrast between the outside temperature and the inside temperature is just too hard to deal with!

It's Labor Day, which means autumn isn't far behind.  I'm glad--I have some new fall clothing that I really want to wear!  And maybe if it gets a little cooler, my 4th period students will be more inclined to do some work.  I'm spending MY Labor Day working--I have quite a bit of school work to do and my house is a mess.  I hope you're spending yours doing something at least a LITTLE entertaining.  Have a great day, and as always, thanks for reading!

First-date roses!

The Handicapped Stall and Other Habits...

It's been a heck of a week!  School started on Monday, and two of my three classes (90 minutes each, we're on block schedule) are just wonderful!  The other is the worst behaved group of kids I've EVER known.  A large majority of them are repeating English 9 for the 2nd, 3rd or 4th time!  I'm blessed to have a VERY proactive administration, though, and they are helping me sort things out.  Some students may even be transferred out!

After school today, I worked "gate duty" at the JV and varsity soccer games with one of my colleagues.  We have to do two duties a year, and Charetta and I are doing another game together in October.  We had fun chitchatting and I showed her my "before" picture.  She was very complimentary and said, "I can't believe you were that big.  You don't look like you were that big."  It was nice to hear, but the truth is, I WAS that big...and sometimes I still think I am.  During the gate duty, I went to the ladies' room and walked into the handicapped stall, which I used to use every time I went to the bathroom.  Why?  Because it's larger.  It allowed me room to move whereas the standard stalls never did.

Of course I don't need the larger stall anymore, but my first reaction was to walk into it--out of habit.  It got me thinking about all the things I do out of habit--including avoiding mirrors (especially those that are full length) and wincing when I see chairs with arms.  I still feel like "big Rhonda" more days than not.  When I shop, I have a really hard time picking out the right size clothing! A week or two ago, I went to Walmart and bought a $9 pair of black knit pants that are good for school.  I went to put them on Tuesday morning to wear to school.  They were a size large--12-14--and they were absolutely GIGANTIC.  I thought maybe I'm "getting better" about estimating size, as I held them up and knew immediately that they were too big! I took them back and bought a size medium--10-12--which are still a little loose but much better than the first pair!

It's a habit I need to break--I never used to try on clothing.  As long as it covered me, I was happy with it.  Now I need to seek out styles that flatter and fit well.  No more baggy clothes for this woman!

I have a VERY long day ahead of me...school until 3:30, but there's a football game at 7:30, and it's stupid for me to go home just to turn around and go back to school! I have plenty of school work to keep me busy, though!  And I love being at a school with a good athletic program!

Have a fabulous Friday! (And enjoy the weekend!)

Celebrate the End of Summer!?

I'm sorry I haven't written all week.  Things have been so busy with school!  (And let me just say that I am THRILLED to be that busy!)

Today is the first day of school!  I've never been so happy to start a school year! I met parents and future students on Thursday evening, which was terrific, albeit a little strange.  I had one father call me "baby".  I hate it when the guy I'm DATING calls me that, let alone the parent of a student!  Oh, well...

On Saturday, I went to lunch and the movies with Mercedez, a former student who is now at UNC Chapel Hill.  We went to Cheddars for lunch, and I ordered potato skins.  The order was BIG--I ate 3 at lunch (they were long strips--about 1/4 of a potato, maybe) because I hadn't had breakfast, gave Mercedez one and still had FOUR left over!  I had two for lunch on Sunday and two for dinner! They were delicious and loaded with cheese and crisp bacon!  I can eat anything these days, just not a LOT of anything! 

I bought some protein bars to take to school for lunch; I want to reestablish a pattern of eating right at school.  I worry about not getting enough protein, so protein bars are a viable option.

My friend, T, asked me about dating.  I'm not dating now...I want someone who's serious about dating, so I've put myself on "hiatus".  That doesn't mean forever...just for now.  I'd rather spend more time focusing on school and on myself...the lovelife stuff will take care of itself!  (I hope)!

Have a magical Monday!

Weddings and Shopping and School, Oh My!

Saturday, I attended the wedding of a very sweet former colleague.  Kimberly and Steve make a lovely couple, and I wish them all the happiness in the world.  (Although I really thought Steve was going to pass out during the ceremony!)  Kimberly is very petite and looked like a bride doll!  They are honeymooning in Charleston, and during their ceremony, I had a bit of an epiphany.

I want to get married again.  I do.  I don't necessarily want the white wedding thing, but I DO want to find someone with whom I can spend the rest of my life.  I'm hoping that moving to a new school--and a huge district--will help me meet Mr. Right.  I'm done playing with "Mr. Right Now".  I have a date for Wednesday evening, and if he's not right, I'm done.  I'm not going to waste any more time and energy--emotional and physical--dating men who are looking for "friends with benefits" or who are undecided about their lives and their relationships.

Okay, that addresses "weddings", now on to shopping!  I'm becoming a fashionista!  I am.  I shopped like a mad woman while I was in New York last week.  At Kohl's, I picked up a rust-colored cardigan by Apt. 9 and a lightweight mock turtle by Vera Wang for a total of $24.00!  My receipt read that I saved $109!  I also shopped at Boscov's, saving about $90 more on tops and a cute skirt.  I found a cardigan with a matching camisole at Target that were both on sale for more than 25 percent off.  As I put my new things on hangers and placed them in my closet, I became giddy!  I'm so excited to be able to wear new clothes!  SMALLER clothes.  I know I've said it before, but it bears repeating--I used to dress to cover my body; now I'm dressing to enhance it!

And finally, school.  Today is the official first day of the school year for teachers; students come back next Monday.  I look forward to it like I can't even express!  A new start with a new attitude and new clothing, I'm thrilled.  We don't all get second chances in life--so this is BIG! And I promise to enjoy every minute of it!

Have a magnificent Monday!


Oh...and here's a pic from the reception! I think I look pretty good...and I KNOW that dress is NOT something I would have even dreamed of wearing before!

 

I'm SO Excited!! And I Just Can't Hide It!

Tomorrow is my first day at my new school--and like a little kid, I'm so excited that I can't sleep!  I've met a few people, and everyone has been really nice to me. We had an in-service today on the projection system--it makes the white boards like "smart boards" but you can still write on them, too--and I have to admit that I was looking at the men in the room.  There weren't many, but it's nice to have those options! 

I also drove by a little house that's for sale.  It's VERY inexpensive--and my friend Dorothy and I are going to take a look at it tomorrow.  From the outside, it looks pretty good...there's a small broken window and it needs a little TLC, but it's really cute.  I hope it looks that good inside!  I've seen pictures online, and of course, pictures can lie...

I am SO grateful for the opportunity to continue my reinvention.  I had a phone call today from the former principal of Nash Central who moved to the middle school.  He had a last-minute opening and wanted to offer me the job.  I told him I had accepted a position, and he sounded genuinely disappointed.  He told me that if my circumstances change to call him!  It was really good for my ego, especially when he told me that he had wanted to hire me that first meeting we had when the opening wasn't even "official"!  

Still, I feel like I made the right decision in choosing South Central.  Today, I went to my storage locker and took a big load of books and other paraphernalia to school and started to set up my room.  I went tonight and picked up another load to take tomorrow.  It feels so great to be setting up a new classroom!!  And tonight, one of my former students wrote me a note on Facebook telling me how great a teacher she thinks I am.  It was super complimentary--and it brought tears to my eyes.

I'm so excited about this new beginning. If you had told me last year at this time where I would be, what I would weigh, what size I'd be wearing, I'd have told you that you were crazy!  No where in my crystal ball did I see THIS coming!

Have a FABULOUS Friday!!

Greeetings from NY

I love my mother to death, but having lived alone for so long, I'm used to having my quiet time.  I don't get ANY quiet time at my mom's house.  So I'm at McDonalds, where it isn't quiet, using their free WiFi and trying to get my bearings.

I have had a stressful trip this time.  I don't know why--if it's because I have a friend with me when I'm used to traveling alone or what it is, but I really DO need my peace and quiet.  I think that's the reason I practically live at the movie theatre during the school year--a movie gives me a couple hours of quiet time with no one talking to me or expecting me to answer

We've gone out to eat for every meal since I've been here, and for some reason, I've felt sick twice.  I think I'm eating too fast.  Yesterday, we ate at a small restaurant in Ithaca called "The Piggery".  All local products, including their own farm-raised pork.  The pulled pork slider was delicious, and I was smart enough to not try to eat the bread.  I love bread, but it definitely is NOT my friend!  Last night, we went to Texas Roadhouse where I had the kids' portion of ribs: four ribs with a (way too) large portion of mashed potatoes.  I ate two of the ribs and about a third of the potatoes and was full, full, full.  

We went to Phil's Chicken for lunch today--and it was delicious.  I paced myself better, had chicken and a few bites of potato salad.  I still felt a bit off until I had hiccups.  I get hiccups almost daily, but today I felt better when they stopped.  Weird.  When I'm alone, I eat slow enough, but for some reason, I tend to eat too fast when I'm with someone.  I guess I get caught up in the conversation and forget to pay attention.

I stopped up at BOCES today, where I used to work, and saw an old friend, Kathy, and then stopped to say hi to Jeanie even though I saw her last month when I was up here.  Both ladies looked great, and we had really good chats.

I need to be patient with my mother.  I know that a time is coming when I'm going to miss ANY of our talks.  I just need to breathe!

Happy Monday!!

Happy Rebirthday to Me, Part 2

I had such a great time on Sunday that I've had to take a couple days to decompress!  While we did go on other types of rides, this day was all about the roller coasters--and did we ride them!  We rode the Intimidator, which as I said is the highest roller coaster in the southeastern US.  The Carolina Cobra is like a slingshot where the coaster is pulled backwards and then released to go thru loops, upside down and up again before stopping and then doing it all over again backwards!  The Vortex is a stand-up coaster, which was a completely new experience for me. The Hurler was a large wooden coaster that practically lived up to its name--with tight curves and slamming dips!  The Cyclone was a yellow and purple beast that hurt my ears!  (It was so jarring that my earrings were pressed into the back of my head--ouch!)  Ricochet was a little four-person car that takes such tight corners that it feels like you're going to go careening off the track!  The NightHawk was the most intense of the coasters we rode.  In fact, Tiana wouldn't even ride it!  Her friend Sophia and I did, though.  The rider starts in a seated position, but then the seats lie flat.  And then during the ride, the prone riders go from facing the sky to facing the ground! This was especially hard over the water!  I had to close my eyes for most of the ride--it was just too much!  We did ride both the Vortex and the Carolina Cobra twice!

While we were waiting to take our second ride on the Cobra, something interesting happened.  Two large ladies were attempting to ride the coaster.  Inasmuch as we had already been in it, and I knew how small the cars were, I told Tiana that there was no way they were going to fit.  We watched as two attendants tried to press the lap restraint down so that it would lock in place.  One attendant was literally on top of the woman pushing the bar.  The ride operator asked the one woman to sit up in the car as much as possible, and then one of the attendants tried sitting on the restraint to press it into place, but their efforts were unsuccessful.  This went on for about five or six minutes.  The women finally got up and left the ride, laughing as they did.

This was a very somber moment for me.  First, I felt empathy.  These women may have been laughing on the outside, but I'm sure they weren't totally sincere in their laughter.  Additionally, it brought back my own horrible experience at Hershey Park 15 years ago when I couldn't ride the Comet wooden roller coaster because I couldn't fit in the car.  My heart broke for these ladies--and even Tiana said that the incident gave her a better understanding of how humiliated I must have felt all those years ago.  And humiliated was the right word.  I was humiliated.  It was horribly painful.  And it was also why I chose to spend my rebirthday on roller coasters.  

I think we look pretty great.  Of course, this was BEFORE the coasters!  (L-R, Tiana, me, Sophia).

I definitely will go back again--next year and every rebirthday from now on.  It was great to look like a kid again...to feel like a kid again...to fit in seats I never could have without this surgery.  

I spoke to Nina about having such a great time, and she reminded me that this is just the beginning.  I will have other opportunities like this one.  I'll be able to go places, to do things without restriction, without worrying about whether or not I can fit on the rides or in the plane seats or in the tiny chairs.  It's a freedom I have NEVER known.  The possibilities of life have increased exponentially for me--and I will be forever grateful!

Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Happy Rebirthday to ME!!

I had an absolutely incredible time at Carowinds yesterday!! I'm yawning as I type this, though.  I got home around 12:45am and had to get up early for new teacher orientation in Greenville.  Fortunately, I didn't have to stay, so I'm home!  (The orientation was more for beginner teachers than for people new to the district.)

When we got to Carowinds, Tiana, her friend Sophia and I rode "The Intimidator", which is billed as "the tallest, fastest, and longest coaster in the Southeast".  The duration of the ride is 3 minute and 33 seconds.  It was incredible!!  Here's a "point of view" video from the front of the coaster:  

Awesome, right?  I want to write about the entire park experience, but I'm about to fall asleep! So this is part 1 of "Happy Rebirthday to me"...and I'll continue tomorrow!

Roller Coasters, Here I Come!

By the time you read this, I'll be at least on my WAY to Carowinds--if not already there, screaming my head off on a roller coaster!  I am so excited.  This day was a year in the making!  A year ago today, I went under the knife and had life-changing surgery.  It's been an amazing year of ups and downs.  Ups and downs in my personal and professional lives...and downs on the scale!

I've been through so much in the last 365 days.  I survived a hurricane, although I didn't think I would.  (Twenty-five trees fell on my property--and I swear I had PTSD as a result of living through that horror.  I was lucky enough that the only damage my cottage sustained was a tree falling on the wires to my electrical meter, which ripped the meter off the house, but the other falling trees missed the house--by less than a foot on three sides of the house--but missed it at least!)  I ended my engagement on that day, too.  He was supposed to come from Wilmington so that I wouldn't be alone, but he didn't.  Instead, he put on Facebook that he was worried about me, while NEVER calling to see if I was all right.  (Remember: this is the same guy who said he wasn't sure he could be attracted to me if I lost the weight...)  I broke up with him that evening, once the danger had passed. 

I bought a new (to me) car that reflects my personality and new body better than the old one did.  It's a bright blue 2010 Toyota Corolla--cute and economical.  I rejoined the Y and found that I don't float like I used to.  I flew home for a long weekend and made my mom happy when she saw how much weight I'd lost. I met Whit and had a pretty serious relationship with him--we dated for four months, but I ended that, too.  I went to Washington, DC with the senior class and walked all over the city--a trip I had been excluded from in previous years because I just wasn't in shape to do all the walking.  

I lost my job.  It was incredibly devastating, but I've survived--and maybe even benefited.  I have a new job with better hours, better technology and better benefits.  I feel appreciated by my administrators and coworkers already!  I met Kevin and revisited my love of trivia!  I reconnected with countless friends thanks to Facebook.  Oh, and I lost ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-THREE POUNDS!  123 pounds!  That's an adult woman!  Incredible to me!

Well, it's been a year of amazing ups and downs--and I'm spending my day pursuing ups and down on the 13 roller coasters at Carowinds. Mine will be SCREAMING, but I wish for you a serene Sunday!  Thanks for reading...the second best thing to come out of this year?  YOU as my readers!

Can't Deny Photographic Evidence

Yesterday was a great day.  I went with my friend Dorothy to a former colleague's home for dinner.  Mr. Xavier and his family are from India, and the food was just delicious.  I actually ate two helpings of the vegetables--chopped potatoes, carrots, green beans and kidney beans in a fabulous curried sauce.  I never eat seconds of ANYTHING, but that's how good this dish was!  And when I left, my kind hostess packed up the leftovers for me, so I'll eat Indian food again today!

Fifty-two weeks ago today, I was waiting anxiously at Rex Hospital in Raleigh for my surgery.  I was excited but scared.  None of the things I worried about came to be--and I love the way I look today!

Dorothy and I went to Raleigh before going to dinner last night so we could recreate the original "before" picture.  You'll note that I'm wearing the same top as in my before photo.  I couldn't believe I even KEPT it! When I saw it in the closet yesterday, I was thrilled.  It fits much differently, of course, and is actually too big for daily wear, but for the photo, it was PERFECT.  For so long, I've had the "before" picture in my head--and finally, I've got a new picture to replace it.  The difference is undeniable!

When I went to the doctor Tuesday, I was rereading some of the information on gastric bypass surgery.  One of the statistics stayed with me: most patients lose 77 percent of their excess weight within one year.  That means that if you're 100 pounds overweight, you will probably lose 77 pounds in a year.  I was about 150 pounds overweight, which means that my weight loss was predicted to be approximately 115 pounds.  At 123 pounds lost, I'm at my target and beyond!

This surgery was without a doubt THE best thing I've ever done for myself.  And I know I've asked before, but I'm asking again.  What have you done for YOU lately?  Have a fabulous Friday!

Letting Go of Anger

I had a good time at lunch yesterday.  It would've been great except that one of my former colleagues is still angry and bitter about being laid off.  I kept trying to steer the conversation in a positive direction because she kept pushing it in a negative direction!  I left there exhausted!  For lunch, I ordered potato skins because I read online that Chili's had the best after a test of nationwide chain restaurants.  They were truly delicious!  I could only eat two of the five, but they'll reheat well for lunch (and dinner) today!  I realize that potato skins laden with cheese and bacon aren't the healthiest choice, but once in a while, they are truly satisfying. (Plus my total cholesterol is 132--which is awesome!)

I know that I was depressed for the past seven weeks.  It hurt--a lot--to lose a job I loved, especially after I had done so much for the school.  But truth be told, I didn't do it for the school.  I worked hard for the kids.  And I'll do it for the kids at my new school.  But holding anger toward ANYONE gives that person power and control over you.  And I wasn't going to give that jerk who took over Prep that much power.  He doesn't deserve it.    And my former colleague needs to remember that.  I understand that she is frustrated, but she needs to remember how HORRIBLE it's going to be there this year.  They are implementing a new, UNAPPROVED curriculum.  They are a month behind.  Their buildings are being torn apart.  They have to report back to work on the 8th, which is NINE DAYS earlier than any other school district around here (including mine--other than new teacher orientation, my first day is the 17th).  They have a longer work day.  They are going back earlier, staying later, working longer days--all with NO extra money. And their new leader--the aforementioned JERK--is not an educator and knows NOTHING about running a school.  She needs to remember these things!

And YOU need to remember this: Anger does more damage to the vessel in which it's stored than to anything it's poured upon.  Think of anger as an acid.  It eats away at you until there's nothing left.  Let go.  Let go of your anger before it destroys you.

It's Thursday.  I hope you have something to think about!  Thanks for reading!!

Ups, Downs and More UPS!

Today, I'm having lunch with Renee, Dorothy, Belinda and Shannon.  Seven weeks ago yesterday, we all met at Chili's and cried about losing our jobs.  (Except Dorothy, who was laid off a year ago.) At that time, I was feeling somewhat optimistic and said, "In August, we'll be back here celebrating new jobs!"  And while I've been plagued with DOUBT these past seven weeks, my prediction came true.  All of us have been successful in finding work except Belinda who has decided to stay home awhile because her husband needs surgery.

Yesterday, I saw the doctor for my one-year post-surgical checkup.  I've lost a total of 123 pounds.  At first I thought it was 121.5 but I redid the math.  (There's a reason I teach English and not math!)  Everyone at the office was so complimentary!  And for my one-year anniversary, they gave me a certificate for a free photo sitting and portrait!  When I was big, I wouldn't have thought about using it, but I certainly will now!

After my appointment, I stopped at Kevin's to pick up my copy of The Artist, which I had let him borrow a few weeks ago.  It was good to see him--awkward but good.  He's doing very well after the surgery--much better than I did a week out--walking two miles a day and feeling pretty strong.  He definitely looks better than I did!  And yes, I still have feelings for him...real feelings.  We hugged hello and goodbye, and he asked me to let him know about my new job, so maybe...who knows?

My official anniversary date is Sunday, 8/5.  I'm going to Carowinds, an amusement park, and I'm going to ride as many rides as I can!  I haven't been able to ride for at least 15 years.  Fifteen years ago, I took my friend Sue's daughter, Amanda, to Hershey Park.  When it came time to ride the wooden roller coaster, I couldn't fit.  I was humiliated beyond belief, and that was the last time I even TRIED to go to an amusement park.  A fitting way to celebrate a 123-pound weight loss, right?  Amazingly, the physician's assistant I saw yesterday said HE spent his one-year anniversary the SAME way!

It's been seven weeks of ups and downs--depression upon getting laid off, then euphoria at the prospect of job interviews, feeling despondent when I wasn't hired and finally giddiness at finding not just "a job" but what feels like the "right job"!  What better way to celebrate than by ending the summer (I have new teacher orientation all next week) on a series of "ups and downs"--ROLLER COASTERS?!  Have a wonderful Wednesday, everyone!