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Saturday, January 3, 2015

The Dating Dilemma

People often misuse the word "dilemma".  The prefix "di" indicates "two", so a dilemma is, in the very truest meaning of the word, a "situation requiring a choice between TWO equally undesirable alternatives."  The keywords in that definition, I think are "equally undesirable."  As a divorced woman, I have to choose between staying home alone (or hanging out with my few female friends) or putting myself (and my heart) out there in the dating world.  If you've dated at ALL in the last 20 years, you'll know what I mean. It's brutal!  Married men on the prowl, guys looking for casual sex, foreign would not believe how rough it is out there.  So why would an intelligent woman even try?  Good question!

Tonight, I'm making dinner for "D".  (I really don't want to reveal his name now, so I think I'll make that initial a word and will start calling him 'Dee' for ease.)  Dee and I have been out three times now.  We met online and had our first date a couple of weeks ago--lunch at Applebee's.  (If you haven't tried their politically incorrectly named "Oriental Chicken Salad", you really need to! Delicious, but I digress...)  Our second date was dinner at Chili's and a Netflix movie at my house.  He was a perfect gentleman (or so you're going to think because I'm not giving away any details.  And don't think my lack of details is an admission of guilt or acknowledgement of ANYTHING!)  Our third date was a movie--he actually took me to Into the Woods.  I had given him a choice of either Unbroken or Top Five, thinking both movies were "guy-friendly" films.  In passing, I mentioned that I wanted to see Into the Woods. (For those of you who may not know, the movie is a Stephen Sondheim musical based on the Broadway plan of the same name.  A musical!)  Imagine my surprise when he texted me the times for Into the Woods!  When it was over, (and it's wonderful, by the way), I told him, "Oh, I owe you big for this one!" and he said, in his quiet, calm way, "It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be."

That blew me away.  He went to see this movie because I wanted to.  He figured it was going to be bad, but he was willing to see it to make me happy! I honestly don't think I've ever been with a man, including my ex-husband, who agreed to see something I wanted to see. 

So tonight I'm cooking dinner for him.  I'm roasting a chicken, making mashed potatoes, corn (because he's "not big on vegetables" which is not a big deal as neither am I) and a dessert I haven't quite figured out yet.  I have a busy day ahead of me because I have some cleaning to do, shopping to do,  and I have to take Shannon back to her great-grandmother.  And I'm nervous.  Four dates!  This could be a make-it or break-it date.  This could be the start of something.  This man seems to be a very nice, but am I a good judge of character?  I don't know.  I really don't.  All I do know is that I could really like this man.  I mean really like him.

So...the dilemma.  Do I continue to risk heartbreak?  Or do I get used to being alone?  I don't want to get used to being alone, because while I love my "me" time, I don't want to spend all of my days alone.  I asked Dee pointblank what he wants out of life and out of love.  His response?  "I want to be loved and someone that wants me and to have fun." 

Simple and to the point, right?  That's what I want, too.  So of course, I'm going to risk heartbreak.  After all, (to quote an old commercial), I'm worth it!  So maybe, in its truest meaning, dating isn't a dilemma for me.  So stay tuned.  I'll let you know how it goes.  Just don't expect any details...

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