Size Apparently IS Everything...

When I was in New York last month, I bought several new tops, including two new cardigans.  One was kelly green (I look great in green--makes my eyes greener and my hair redder) and the other was black.  The black one is a size "large" while the green one is a "medium" because they didn't have any large, so I tried on the green one and it fit fine.

Today, I thought I'd wear the black one to school.  It's too small.  It's a size larger than the green one that FIT.  How weird is that?  Sizes are so strange.  I guess it depends on the manufacturer, but it strikes me as so weird that two sweaters by the SAME manufacturer would vary so much in size.  Maybe that's why they were on sale--just $7.99 marked down from $58...But the lesson here is TRY things ON!!

I've never been one to try things on in stores, but I'm going to start!  I used to dress to hide, now I need to dress to flatter...so the dressing room is where it'll all begin!!

And let me say this...my blog is NOT a place for "conversations", but if you'd like to leave a comment, please do.  I just ask that you don't leave an ANONYMOUS comment, as that seems pretty cowardly to me. (And because this is MY blog, I reserve the right to delete any comment I deem inappropriate). And if you want to have a "conversation", I'm on Facebook.  Friend me! RRRhonda9.

Have a great day, everyone!  (It's almost the weekend...and it's a LONG one!!)

Get Your Nose Out of MY Business!!

When I started this blog in August 2011, I did so for two reasons: 1) to help myself through the process and 2) to help others who might have similar issues or who might be considering bariatric surgery for weight loss.  

I did NOT intend this blog to be a window into my life for my exes and their ridiculously nosy friends.  However, it seems that it's become that.

James has a so-called "Christian" friend named Angie.  Angie apparently has made it her mission to keep him apprised of all that's going on in my life--and it seems she couldn't wait to tell James and his current girlfriend, Jo, about my decision to move back to NY to be with my mom.

I'm sick--I have a sinus infection and really need to get some sleep, but I can't go to sleep without addressing this issue, so here goes:

Angie, mind your own DAMNED business.  I mean it.  Stop reading my blog.  It was never intended as a source of your gossip.  And "Christians" like you are why I stopped going to church.  You are small minded, judgmental and petty.  What's going on in MY life is MY business.  Not yours.  Nor is it James'.  He lost any right to know what's going on with me when he decided he couldn't be attracted to me when I lost the weight and when he left me alone during a freaking hurricane, not calling to check on me, but posting on Facebook how "worried" he was about me.

I would hate to stop writing this blog, because I know that it's helped other people.  It's helped ME. But if Angie cannot stop gossiping about MY life, I'm going to have to do just that.  In the meantime, Angie, if you're reading this (and I'm sure you ARE), tell James I said that this blog is no longer a source of entertainment for EITHER of you.  I'm sorry that your lives are so prosaic that you have nothing better to do, but I refuse to be a source of entertainment for either of you.  Angie, go to church and pray for forgiveness...and tell James he STILL owes me money for the laptop I bought him for his birthday. (Cheapskate that HE is, I always paid whenever and wherever we went--tickets to see "Wicked" on Broadway, tickets to Medieval Times, the movies, dinner, etc, etc, etc...)

 

Family Ties

In many ways, my life has changed dramatically over the past year and a half.  Losing 127 pounds can really alter a person, and I don't mean just physically.  

I am not the same person I was the morning of August 5, 2011 as the medical personnel at Rex Hospital wheeled me into surgery.  I am different--and I'm glad I'm different.  I think I'm constantly changing, evolving, embracing the change that keeps coming my way.

I don't know if it's the new year or the decision to move back to New York, but for some reason, I've been waxing nostalgic lately.  I have been thinking about relationships and how they change.  I have a few classmates from high school who married right out of high school--and are still married after 35+ years! I'm not sure how they've done it.  I am nowhere near the same person I was in high school.  I would hope that you aren't either!  So how do people do it?  I reflect on my marriage which lasted just 8 years, and I know he and I definitely wouldn't be together today, even if he had changed dramatically.

I have a friend who's been a friend since 4th grade.  Fourth grade!  We don't see each other often--maybe just once a year (although I hope that will change now that I'm moving north) but even at that infrequency, I know that she's someone on whom I can count--and I would do anything for her.  I have other friends that have stayed friends for 20+ years, while others have popped in and out of my life without leaving so much as a forwarding address.  Why do people come and go?  Are they there for a little while to teach us something?  For us to teach them?  I remember Pat, Michelle, Michele and Nancy, Nancy and Judy.  And Ginny.  They were there--and now they aren't.  I haven't heard from these women in 30 years...and yet I thought at the time that we were close!  And I guess we were.  I shouldn't dismiss the friendship because the years have separated us.  We were there for each other when we needed each other--and I guess that's all that matters.

In my life, friends have come and go.  But family?  Family is there for you no matter what.  Remembering that makes going back to New York an easy decision.  My mom needs me now, and I need her.  Friends my age are losing their parents.  Parents are falling and getting injured or having strokes.  Parents are going into nursing homes or hospitals or rehab centers.  Parents are becoming the children as the roles of caregiver/care "taker" are reversed.  I am grateful that my mother is in pretty good health right now.  But at nearly 82, I'm not going to take that for granted.  I don't think anyone should!

If you're lucky enough to have your parents, hug them.  Tell them you love them.  Spend the day with them.  Take time out of your busy life to say "thank you".  "Thank you for raising me, for loving me, for giving me life."  Do it now...while you can.

New Year's Resolutions

I tend not to make resolutions for the New Year as I (like most people) don't tend to keep them.  However, this year, I'm making a few, and here they are:

1) I'm leaving North Carolina and moving back to New York.  Yep.  That's a biggie, I know, but I believe it's time.  First, my mom is going to be 82 in April, and I think she needs me.  More important than that is that I need her.  I know that the day will come when she's no longer around, but I would like to postpone that for as long as possible.  I've been away 10 years now.  And it's been an interesting, productive and painful 10 years.  I've tried talking her into moving down here--moving away from the cold weather, but she hasn't and now says it's too late.  And it may well be.  I'm younger, healthier (especially now) and a move would be easier for me.  So I'm going to do it.  I'm going to work the rest of this school year, and then I'm going to move back north.  I'm a New Yorker in my heart.  It's always been true--we New Yorkers are a special breed.  We're fast, smart, liberally minded, tough and independent...and I've never completely fit in here.  I spent the holidays in NY, and it was cold and snowy, and I still hate the snow, but I love my mom more.  So come June, I'm packing up and heading home.

2) I'm going to write more.  Here and with my novels.  I'm going to edit and send the two books I've written to agents.  I'm going to find an agent this year.  I'm a talented wordsmith--it's time I get recognition for that.

3) I'm going to date more.  After Kevin, I retreated into myself a little.  I found myself disinterested in going back "out there", even though I DID date a few men.  I just wasn't really interested in pursuing anything beyond a first or second date.  But I'm going to start.  I am.  I have a single friend in Raleigh, and she  and I are going to go to a few "meet-up" events together.  I'm not looking for anything serious down here--but that doesn't mean I can't have fun for the next six months!

4) I'm going to work out more.  I'm not going to join a gym here in NC, but I will start walking more and start toning.  I've lost a lot of weight--and I look good in clothes, but naked?  Not so much.  It's time to firm up and that's my goal for this year.

There you have it.  Four resolutions.  Not too many, and none of which is unattainable.   Create your own list, but remember to make it short and sweet.  And don't beat yourself up if you don't keep your resolutions...you always have 2014!

Have a very happy New Year, all...and make yourself your number one priority this year.  That's an order!

Thankful

I am thankful.  Not just because Thursday was Thanksgiving, but always.  I'm thankful for my health, because this surgery saved my life...gave me incredible energy and added years to my life.  Today,  I took my dog, Jack, for a walk around the lake in Rocky Mount.  The trip around the lake is 1/2 mile, and I could've done a second time around except that I was a little cold (it was 47 degrees--I should've had mittens on), and Jack definitely wasn't up for a second trip!  He managed to stop at every tree, bush and post around the lake, though!

I'm thankful for my messy little house, which is less messy since I used a good chunk of my days off to clean. 

I'm thankful for Jack, the little rescue dog (half Corgi, half...Pomeranian, maybe?), and the cats, two of which are curled up with me.  (Oscar Wilde is literally on my lap between my belly and the laptop--I swear he wasn't a lapcat until I lost the weight--now there's more room for him).

I'm thankful for my family, even though I missed my mom SO much this Thanksgiving.  At least I still have her, and I know that I'll see her for Christmas.  

I'm thankful for friends, old and new.  New friends like Adria, who invited me to her parents' house for dinner Thanksgiving.  Old friends like T, on whom I went to the movies today, and Mary Caroline, whose mother is in the hospital and who needs prayers.

I'm thankful for good movies, like the one I saw today.  "Life of Pi" was terrific, and I heartily recommend it.  It is haunting and visually stunning, and it's also easily the BEST book-to-film adaptation I have ever seen.

And I'm thankful for YOU.  It's been quite the journey--and even though I don't write every day, I'm still taking this trip every day.  I have forgotten once or twice to slow down when I eat, and I've been sick as a result.  I've cooked too much for one person, and I've found myself throwing food away because I can't deal with leftovers after a day or so.  While my weight loss has stabilized at minus 127 pounds, I'm happy with where I am.  In tops, I wear anything from a medium to an extra-large, depending on the manufacturer, although mostly size large.  In pants, a size 14 is about right, although I have two pair of knit pants for school that are 8/10s.  I am happy with who I am and, for the first time in my life, how I look.

And I guess I'm pretty thankful for THAT, too.

Reflecting

I have spent some time reflecting on life in the past year...the choices I've made, the relationships I've had and the plans I want to make.

First, my job.  I've always loved teaching.  This semester at this new school has been really tough.  I have a group of students who are rude and disrespectful--with no understanding of how education can improve their lives.  I've tried everything without success.  As a result, I have found that I have lost some of my love of teaching--and I promised myself that when that happened, I'd leave teaching.  I am going to finish this school year and look for something else.  I have a diverse skill set--I can work in a medical office, a law office, a hospital, even a restaurant.  I can type, do spreadsheets, write well.  There are all kinds of possibilities for me, and I'm going to check them out.

Relationships.  First, I think I've figured out why things didn't work out with Whit.  He was fat.  Really fat.  As wide as he was short.  And I resented that.  I resented that I worked so hard to lose the weight, and he just ate whatever he wanted.  It's not that I dislike big men--truth is, I actually prefer a man with a little meat on his bones, but Whit was so fat that it affected our lives.  We couldn't be terribly active because he didn't have the energy.  And our sex life?  Ugh.  He wasn't healthy enough to have active sex, so it was awful.

And Kevin?  He didn't really want a relationship.  I was a diversion to keep him busy until he had his gastric bypass.  Like I've written before, he believed that when he lost weight, women would fall at his feet.  I hope that's working out for him.

And I think I owe James an apology.  I think he has an emotional disorder, so I shouldn't have disparaged him in writing.  I don't think he can help himself.  He should get some help, but that's HIS problem now...not mine.

Yesterday, I saw a former student and her mother.  She hugged me and said, "Mom, Ms. Harvey is..." I turned to her and said, "What?  Finish the sentence.  Ms. Harvey is what?"  She said, "Hot!"  I laughed and said, "Thank you.  Now, Ms. Harvey needs a man!"  They laughed.  I laughed.  But I think...I'm not sure...but I think I meant it!

Standard time is back! Yay!  I've missed it!! It'll be nice to wake up and get around in the daylight rather than in the pitch blackness I've had recently!

It's November which means that I'm writing my novel for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo).  As a result, I won't be blogging much, but I will write when I can.  

Have a great Sunday--and stay warm, wherever you are!

Chinese Food, Anyone?

In losing 127 pounds, I have gained a sense of courage I never realized I was missing.  From roller coasters to plummeting fair rides, I've become pretty fearless.  I think I'd go skydiving if the opportunity arose, and I'm DYING to go horseback riding!

And it was this fearlessness that pushed me to apply for a teaching job--in CHINA.  I don't think I really thought it out completely...there's NO WAY I could go to China now.  My mom is 81 years old, and, thankfully, she's in pretty good health.  But I wouldn't forgive myself if I was on the other side of the world when she needed me most!  So I emailed the company and told them I wanted to take my name out of the running for the position. They encouraged me to apply another time--and I may.  In the meantime, a little sesame chicken should do me just fine...

Have a great day, everyone!