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Sunday, November 13, 2011

Would You Like Cheese With Your WHINE?

Nothing grates on me more than people who complain and then do nothing to change their situations.  It's almost as if they think complaining is going to, as if by magic, bring change.  I'm sure you know people like this.  People who hate their jobs but don't bother to look for another.  People who are miserable in their marriages but stay married and choose to CHEAT rather than leave.

I know someone who has been unhappily married as long as I've known him--nine years.  NINE years.  Nine years that he will never get back.  In nine years, he's not done one thing to change his situation.  For nine years, he's played the "poor me" game. Nine years!  He's still married--he even WORKS with her and hasn't known an hour of happiness in the nine years I've known him.  Yet he moans and complains and plays the "martyr" to anyone who will listen to him. Yesterday I reached my limit with him and his complaining and told him that I don't want further contact with him.  I even told him that I'd wish him luck except that if luck bit him on the ass, he STILL would do nothing!

I was not a happy, jolly fat woman.  I was in pain every day.  I hated my body...hell, I hated myself.  But I did something about it.  Many times, actually.  I dieted.  I exercised.  I dieted some more.  I exercised some more.  Finally, I took the step I needed to take and had the surgery. But in all the years since my sexual abuse, I *did* take action.  I went to a therapist.  I worked on transitioning from victim to survivor.  Yes, it was work.  Damned hard work.  But the bottom line is that I *did* something.  I didn't sit around and whine and complain.

My mom has always loved the Serenity Prayer.  For those of you unfamiliar: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;/courage to change the things I can;/ and wisdom to know the difference."  I think that serenity, courage and wisdom are great things to ask for.  When it came time for me to transition from victim to survivor, I had the courage to do it.  When it came time for me to have the surgery, I had the courage to do it.  When it came time to leave behind those people I could not change, I had the courage--and the wisdom--to do it.

We only get one shot at this challenge called life.  We have to make the very most of it.  If you aren't happy with something in your life, you can do one of TWO things.  You can accept that it can't be changed or you can muster up the courage to change it.   What you CANNOT do is complain to ME about it--because I have the wisdom to know I can't change it for you, so unless you are ready to DO something about it, I'm not listening!


  1. My mother needs to read this. Sounds exactly like her. She's a miserable person, always griping about how lousy her life is. No matter how many people tell her that she either needs to DO something about it, or change her view (because at the moment, it's really not all that bad) she'd rather just sit and moan about it.

  2. It's super frustrating, isn't it? I just don't want to listen to those people complain ANY more!

  3. Me neither. I rarely talk to my mother about anything serious anymore. It's pointless and frustrating and she only gets mad at me if I make suggestions on how to improve her situations.