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Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Fear...and a First!

This year is the first year in my adult life that I didn't buy Halloween candy, ostensibly intended for trick or treaters, but really for myself.  I live in the woods--and in the nine Halloweens I've lived here, I've never had ONE trick or treater.  Yet, every year I stocked up on candy--just in case.  Yeah, right, sure.  Of course, I made sure it was candy I liked--Reese's or Snickers, usually.  And then the next day, when I had the "leftover" candy, I just couldn't let it go to waste, could I?  So very practical of me, right?  The games I used to play with food!

There was a lot of food and goodies at school today--I had kids that offered me cupcakes, candy bars and cookies--and I said "no" to everything.  I guess the chocolate chip cookie disaster taught me quite a bit about skipping that sugar!

Now...the fear.  I figured it out today.  I'm afraid to give away my clothes because I'm worried that I'll put the weight back on.  I know that it isn't rational, but I guess that the naysayers have worked their "evil magic" on me, and I've bought into the fears.  I'm afraid, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to hold on to those clothes.  Now that I understand my hesitation, I have to face the fear.  I have held on to my Prep hoodie because it's warm and snuggly and I love it.  I never owned a pullover hoodie before, but there is something to be said for them!!  When I bought mine originally (two years ago), it was to support the school, but I quickly fell in love with it!  But it's huge on me now--it was always a little big, but now it's ridiculous--so I need to give it away.  Fortunately, I have a student whom I know needs it, and the A.D. brought me an order form for a new one today!  I tried on the basketball coach's hoodie, which is two sizes smaller than mine was, and it fit very comfortably, maybe even a little loosely.  I may order one size down--I've got to think about it, but at least I know that a replacement is available!

Courage isn't absence of fear--it's feeling the fear and then doing it anyway!  I'm going to pack up those clothes and know that it's okay to give them away--I am NEVER going to need them again!

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