The Easy Way Out...NOT!

Okay.  This has been bugging me for a while now, so I'm going to let go here! Weight loss surgery is *not* the "easy way out" when it comes to weight loss!

For those of you who have been reading the blog all along, I apologize, because you must already know that this is no picnic!  But for those who are new--or for those of you who know people who dismiss this surgery as "easy", I want to say a few things.

When lawyer/television personality Star Jones had gastric bypass, she kept quiet about it.  Why?  Probably because she was ashamed.  There's a weird stigma that goes with this surgery.  Even *I* have whispered about it.  There is some strange kind of thinking that a) it's easy and b) there's something really *wrong* with someone who needs this surgery and "opts" to have his or her body mutilated "just to lose weight".

Let me speak to option "b" first.  Of course there's something wrong!  It's obesity, dummies!  And in this country, especially, obesity is totally misunderstood.  (Go back to my post "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" if you need a refresher on the subject.) Furthermore, when someone *does* decide to do something as dramatic as this surgery, it's not "just to lose weight".  It's not about becoming a size two.  It's about quality of life, about improving one's health, about lengthening one's life.

As for this being "easy"...puh-lease!  It is one of the hardest things I've *ever* done.  If I don't eat enough protein, I feel sick.  If I eat too much protein (or anything else), I feel sick.  If I drink too much water, I feel sick.  If I don't drink enough water, I feel sick.  Easy, my ass!  

Still, I'm glad I did it.  I've lost nearly forty pounds (or so...I have an official weigh-in next Thursday), and as bad as my knees still feel, they have definitely improved.  I'm wearing clothes (with room to spare) that I haven't worn in five or more years.  I'm exercising fairly regularly, and I'm probably much healthier than I have been in many, many years!

But easy?  Not even a little bit.

Like a Jellyfish...

...I feel boneless!  I had an amazing workout tonight at the Y.  I went to a 6pm water aerobics class that was *no* joke!  I literally broke a sweat in the water!

It's been about a week since I went to the Y, and I missed it.  I wore my new suit, which is three sizes smaller than the one I've been wearing--and although it's a little bit tight right now, I know that it won't be for long.  That's the coolest thing about this experience--I *know* that things that don't fit now *will*!  

I got a call back from the director for whom I auditioned Tuesday, and she has made me part of the ensemble as well as  an understudy for two small parts, which is fine with me.  I love community theatre--once you're bitten by the acting bug, there's nothing like it, but I really don't have time for a large role commitment.  I look forward to next year, when my size won't dictate the parts that I get! :-)  The first read-through is Thursday night--the show is the first two weekends of December--and so it begins.  I will make myself find time to get to the Y, though, even though rehearsals will take a *lot* of my time!

I have to find a pair of shoes that I can wear in the pool.  The soles of my feet are on *fire* tonight because of the rough bottom.  The other aerobics class I was taking is deep water--which is great because your feet don't hit the floor!  I can't wear a lot of "enclosed" shoes because of a botched Achilles' tendon surgery which left me with a raw, throbbing nerve pain in my right heel. Still, before next Wednesday, I need something to protect my poor feet!

Oh!  I almost forgot.  Remember how I said I'm nothing if not stubborn?  Well, tonight I tried pizza.  Again.  I ordered a personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut.  I took a bite and did okay with it.  I didn't push it, though--and actually had a bowl of cereal when I got back from the Y.  Still, I'm encouraged--and will try the pizza for dinner tomorrow.  (Just a slice of the little thing--I may be stubborn, but I'm not *stupid*!)

Thank God It's Wednesday?

Oh, yeah.  Hump day.  Middle-of-the-workweek-day.  This PMS or whatever it is is kicking my butt!  Last night, I auditioned for a part in A Christmas Carol, which is going to be done by the local community theatre group in December.  I've worked with this group before, so I knew what to expect going in.

I almost didn't go--I'm not sure I have the time to make the commitment, but I figured, "What the heck!"  I got the best surprise possible, though.  No, I didn't get a standing ovation, although I *did* get a couple laughs in a comedic role for which I read.  Better than a part...I sat down in the theatre seat.  Easily.  Comfortably. These seats have always been snug--okay, worse than snug--downright uncomfortable!  Tonight, I sat easily, without feeling that crowded, smushed feeling that I have experienced in the past.

I know I've said it before, but seriously--this weight loss thing isn't real to me, at least not until something tangible occurs. And tonight it was something that all you thin people take for granted.  I sat down with ease.  I *have* lost weight!

Oh, and one last thing.  I keep getting compliments on my hair.  Except that I'm not wearing it any differently.  I think that people see me, know that something is *different* but cannot pinpoint what.  Or maybe it's just that there's less face for my hair to cover!

Okay, guys...this post is NOT for you...Look Away!!

Hormones suck.  Especially after weight loss.  I figured out--finally--why I'm feeling so lousy.  I'm PMSing.

Never mind that I haven't had my period (Guys, I warned you!) in more than a year.  This weight loss has brought on hormonal fluctuations, and I am feeling ALL the symptoms of PMS, including feeling "fat" (I could not understand that one at all!), irritability, weepiness, aches and pains and the sorest nipples (guys, I told you to look away!) I've had in years.  I feel like I've been nursing a VAMPIRE!

The good news is that I understand this now.  It doesn't make the symptoms go away, but at least I understand them.  And understanding is half the battle, right?

Just Not Feeling It...

I spent the day in the house, feeling "under the weather", which is my phrase for non-specific feeling of blah!

I've been achy and crampy and just feeling terrible.  I had all kinds of plans for the day, but instead spent the day taking it easy.  I fell asleep during the afternoon and woke up dreaming of Scotland.  I've never been to Scotland, so this was odd--until I found that "Braveheart" was on television! So weird when a dream can be affected by reality!

I will go shopping some time this week; in the meantime, I've dug a few things out of my closet--things that will fit for a little while, at least...

I'm hoping for a better week than weekend, but I'm calling it an early night.  Happy Monday, everyone!

A Day of Disappointments...

I love, love, love Jason Statham, but his new movie, Killer Elite, isn't his best work.  In fact, it was slow, sluggish and even boring in spots.  And shopping was equally disappointing!

I did buy a new bra--two band sizes smaller and an entire cup smaller.  Yeah, that sucks.  I wish I could point a fat-sucking gun in the places I need it rather having than the "girls" shrinking away to nothing, but what can you do?

I didn't find any jeans or dress slacks, but plan on going back out tomorrow.  I am happy to report that the bathing suit I ordered came, and it fits!  It's two sizes smaller than the one I've been wearing--and I'm glad to have the support of one that actually fits!  The old one was so big that it was uncomfortable, riding up in places that should never have anything ride up into them!

Yesterday, I had my 1,000th hit on this blog--THANK YOU!  I guess that someone really *is* reading this, although I'd never know it because people don't comment!  Someone *did* tell me on Facebook that the blog is helping--I hope that's true, because writing it helps ME.  It allows me to be introspective, which makes this journey easier.  If someone else benefits from this experience, I'm pleased beyond measure.

And tomorrow?  Tomorrow, I'm going shopping again...and I won't come home without at least ONE pair of pants!

Well, We Knew It Was Inevitable...

Today I have to do something I dread.  I have to go clothes shopping.  I need a pair of pants for school, a pair of jeans and a new bra.  I've waited long enough...it's time.

All of my dress slacks are just way too big.  There's no way around it.  And baggy (even though I always thought differently) does *not* flatter!  Just as too small can make one look bigger than one actually is, so can too large!

My jeans--even my smallest, formerly snuggest jeans--are now way too big, too.  Even fresh out of the dryer, when jeans are usually their tightest, my jeans are so loose in the legs and bottom that they make me look bigger than I actually am.

And my bra?  Well, the girls have shrunk (sorry, guys) and now I need not only a smaller band size, but a smaller cup size as well.  Sigh.  If only you could choose where you lose weight!

So I've put it off for as long as possible--now I need to go get a few things.  It's funny--all my friends, who have been so wonderfully supportive, think that shopping is one of the *perks* of this journey.  I've never liked shopping.  Okay, so that's an understatement--I have *hated* shopping for as long as I can remember.  But perhaps that's been a knee-jerk reaction because I've always hated my body...maybe it won't be so bad.  Maybe I'll even *like* shopping...Guess we'll see later today!!

Keep Keeping On...

Tomorrow.  The beauty of this process is that I know that tomorrow I'll weigh less than I do today.  And I'll weigh less next week.  And next month.  And on and on...And on one level, I know it, I feel it, I believe it.  On another level, of course, I still believe that I'm going to somehow "mess this up".  I don't want to buy clothing, because I'm afraid I'll never get into smaller clothing--even though I already am! The outfit I wore to school on Wednesday must have been "telling" because I had several people tell me that I'm looking good.

Martha and I went to dinner at Applebee's. I tried to use my card to order off the kids' menu--the server was more than happy to let me--but Applebee's kids' menu is just terrible!  Corn dogs, hamburgers and cheeseburgers, fried chicken tenders, macaroni and cheese--nothing I could or would eat.  So I ordered a small order of riblets with mashed potatoes rather than fries.  The server brought me baby back ribs and a serving of mashed potatoes that was large enough for three people! (Maybe four!) I told her that when she brought back the riblets to bring a much smaller portion of mashed potatoes. Well, it came back...smaller, but still enough for two people!  I had taken a couple bites of the first serving, so I didn't even bother with the second portion.  I ate one strip of the riblets--it tasted so very good to me, but after one, I was full.  So, remembering how terrible I felt Wednesday night, I stopped.  (Even though the riblets were perfectly cooked, and that honey barbecue sauce was delicious!)  I brought home three strips of riblets--and left those mashed potatoes behind!!

And tonight, I'm happy,feeling well and so very glad that I took that step seven weeks ago and had the surgery.  It was drastic, but so worth it! It truly has given me a new lease on life!  And here's the picture I promised...What do you think?

The Eyes Have It...

Note to self:  let your stomach tell you how much food you can eat--not your eyes!  Wednesday night, I had Chinese food for dinner.  It was the first time I've had Chinese since the surgery.  It tasted good to me--perhaps a little *too* good.

I ate ONE piece of chicken more than I should have.  That's all.  One piece.  A cube about an inch in length made me feel just terrible.  I should have stopped.  I had determined as best I could--I am getting better at it--what a portion size was for my new tummy.  And then I set out to eat that portion.  And did so.  It was delicious--the sauce was delicious--it was exactly what I wanted.  And I should have stopped.

But I didn't.  I had to pop that last piece of chicken in my mouth--and once again, *habit* beat out *hunger*.  I thought that I needed that last piece, so I ate it.  And almost immediately regretted it.  I had an almost-instant stomachache.  I felt queasy within seconds.  With that one little chunk of chicken, I overate.

This is new to me still.  I have to learn to listen to my body after years of *not* doing so.  How many times have you eaten that "one last bite"?  How many times have you continued to eat because your eyes were hungry or because of habit?  That bloated, uncomfortable feeling is never good--but it's far worse now that my stomach is the size of an egg.  I'm hoping that this is a lesson I'll learn rather quickly because I felt terrible last night.  Perhaps you can learn with me, and from time to time, we can remind each other to eat with our stomachs--not with our eyes!

Just Another Day...

and I'm not feeling well again.  I felt great last night--I hate the inconsistency of this. But I am not feeling terrible--just blah.

I had a long day at school--maybe that's part of it.  I had an upset stomach/diarrhea at school today, which is never fun.  I also carry a lot of stress in my gut--and maybe that's what's going on today.  I'm trying to deal with some painful personal stuff that has nothing to do with this journey.

I do have some good news! I'm flying home next month to surprise my mom.  Flying!  I usually drive, and for a three-day weekend, it's not really worth it.  But she's been super supportive, and I want her to see my progress. Additionally, I'm not spending a lot of money on food, so I can afford a plane ticket!

I also called Martha today.  Martha took the first photo that's on this blog.  I think it's time for an update, so she and I are going to meet up on Thursday for a photo session! :-) I need the photos as proof, as this still feels unreal to me.  However, "Glee" is on--season premiere, so I'm cutting this short...but I promise to post a photo--a full photo--on Thursday night!

Thanks again for staying with me here--your support means more than I can say!! This is NOT a trip to make alone--and thanks to all of you, I don't have to!

Ooops!

Sunday night, I got so involved with the Emmy Awards that I forgot to blog!  Sorry about that!  Sunday was my birthday--and I had a good day.  I went to dinner with my friend Dorothy to Outback.  I don't usually go there, but we had a couple "freebies", so I let Dorothy get the free steak (and I ate four petals of the free Bloomin' Onion).

Monday night, I went to dinner with my friend Crystal, where I had a half of a grilled pork chop, half a baked potato, a couple bites of salad, a bite of Texas toast and even a taste of dessert!  Because it was my birthday, the server brought a delicious peanut butter pie. (Tiny thing, the diameter of a water glass maybe, but nonetheless delicious!)  I stuck my fork in the side, tasted it and was happy to stop at that.

It was a great time.  Crystal and I chatted for more than two hours (which we always do), and I took my time and ate slowly.  I was completely satisfied by this meal.  It seems like a lot of food when I look at the list but it wasn't.  (And Crystal can attest to that! lol)  I was able to eat an entire meal!  Yay! The pork chop was amazingly delicious--probably because I've been eating only chicken for the past three weeks!

It was a great time--not just the company and the conversation, which was great--but also because I learned that I *can* even taste dessert without losing control, without overeating, without "ruining my diet".  Because this *isn't* a diet--it's a lifestyle change.  And tonight, I took a picture of my face--just my face for now, but what a change!!

If At First You Don't Succeed...

I'm very stubborn.  I never take "no" for an answer.  Tell me I can't do something, and I'll do what I can to prove you wrong--even if it's to my detriment.

Take pizza, for example.  Two weeks ago, I discovered that I can't tolerate pizza.  If you remember the post, I think I promised to never eat it again.  Well, guess how I spent my Saturday?  I went to a movie--the awful, violent, sluggish "Drive" and then went to find something for lunch. A friend of mine had recommended Marabella in Greenville.  When I got in there, the pizza looked amazing.  The "Grandma's" reminded me of the pizza I grew up with, so I paid $4.00 and change for a slice and a drink. 

One bite and I regretted the decision.  Again.  Unbelievable.  Fortunately, I stopped at that first bite and threw the rest away, so I didn't feel sick all day like I did the last time.

I've had to throw a lot of food away lately.  I guess it's part of the process--discovering what I can and cannot eat.  And while it's expensive to buy food just to throw it away, I'm still saving money by not eating at restaurants every (or nearly every) day.

And as I "celebrate" my birthday today, I think I have a new birthday--August 5, 2011,for that was the day that this new life began for me.  So, I'll take the greetings today, but my *real* birthday was six weeks ago! And who knows how many birthdays I may have bought myself with the decision to have the surgery!

Really???

I know that this is real--six weeks ago, I had surgery that left my stomach the size of an egg.  I know that.  I can eat--mostly chicken, by the way--two or three ounces of food at a time.  I am losing weight every day.  I am.  I would have to be--think about it.  I may eat nine ounces of food a day. Nine ounces! Of course, I'm losing weight.

Still, I don't believe it.  On some weird level, it's inconceivable to me.  When I look at clothing in the store, I look at the size I *was* before the surgery.  I can't even conceive of fitting into smaller sizes.  It is surreal.

Today I wore a pair of pants that used to be tight, so tight that there is a slight tear at the pocket from where I stretched them beyond their ability to stretch.   Today, it was like I was wearing clown pants. Big in the seat, the legs, the stomach--everywhere.  Again, because I'm having a hard time grasping this, I told myself that the pants just stretched, until I saw someone who said to me, "I remember when you wore those and they were *tight*."  

 When she said that, I smiled--it was the confirmation I needed.  I have to continue to remind myself that I *am* losing weight--and I *will* continue to do so.  But if you see me, comment on it, would you?  I need the confirmation!

It Happens Every Year...

Sunday is my birthday.  And this week and last, my email account has been inundated with emails from various restaurants, replete with "birthday gifts"--free desserts, monies off, even free ribs!  And Monday, I'm going out with my dear friend Crystal, whom I've not seen since...hmm...when was it again?

And the upshot of all this?  Ennui.  Boredom.  Lack of interest.  It's so weird--but I have no interest in food!  Crystal asked where I want to go--and truth is, I don't have a clue because 1) I'm limited in my choices and 2) food just doesn't excite me.  I *loved* food before the surgery--and now, it's merely sustenance.

I'm sure this is, again, just a stage.  The fact is, once I can eat salad and other difficult-to-digest foods, I'll probably feel differently.  But for now, all those birthday freebies will go unused, and I'll be better for it! 

After a Workout, You Should...

a) steam, b) use the hot tub, c) order pizza.  To the woman in the locker room tonight, it was definitely "a" AND "c"!  It cracked me up, thinking that here she had just worked out--and she was "celebrating" by ordering pizza!

I think one of the reasons I found this so funny is because that would have been ME six months ago.  IF I had, in fact, been working out at the Y, I wouldn't have thought anything was wrong with ordering a pizza from the locker room!  The woman laughed as she told the person on the phone, "Well, I just got out of the steam room, so I'll be about 30 minutes..."

I had a great time in the pool tonight--I spent a little more than an hour in the water, then about 10 minutes in the hot tub.  I truly missed it! I had planned on taking the aerobics class, but my suit needed washing, so I did a small load of laundry and got to the Y at nearly the end the the class.  I was surprised to see an old friend, Roz, teaching the class!  When the class was over, we had a chance to chat a bit, and she, (who hasn't seen me in 3 yrs), commented on my weight loss!  I have to say, when someone can see you in a BATHING SUIT and tell you've lost weight, you've lost weight!  

While I was in the pool, I grabbed my inner thighs, which feel more and more like those squishy stress balls.  I think I'm going to save the money I make on this blog through the ads and use it for plastic surgery when all my weight is gone!  So CLICK on a few ads, already!!  You don't want to see these thighs--truly not pretty!  lol!!

Ewwww...

I came home from school today at 11:30am with what appeared to be a stomach virus.  I slept the entire afternoon, waking around 6pm.  I know it isn't good for me, but I haven't eaten a thing--I'm just too afraid to do so.  I *have* been drinking water, but I just cannot risk taking in anything else.  I was so sick and so pale--my principal asked me to call him when I got home because he was worried about me.

The virus has been going around school--I've had several kids out with it, but I'm not sure if that's what I was dealing with or if I had what's known as "dumping syndrome".   In all the literature on this surgery, dumping syndrome is mentioned.  If one consumes sugar, the body, which has a little stomach now, cannot tolerate it, and as a result, it "dumps" it.  I had diarrhea, sweating, chills, weakness--all of which can be symptoms of dumping syndrome.  But I also haven't taken in that much sugar, so I'm really not sure what was going on with me this morning.  All I know is that I was absolutely wiped out by whatever it was. It may well have been a "bug"; after all, I haven't felt well for a couple days.  Maybe this is where my apathy toward food is coming from...

And the greatest thing about being sick today?  I missed exercise.  Don't get me wrong--I'm SORRY that I wasn't able to go swim.  I MISSED being able to go to the pool.  If you had asked me six months ago if I'd ever miss exercise, I'd have laughed at you!  This really shows me how far I've come.  I know I have a long way to go, but I *really* have come a long way!!

Food? Um, No Thanks...

I am beginning to hate food.  Isn't that strange?  I never have hunger, and often when I eat, I feel "ugh" afterwards.  I wish someone could give me a compressed protein pill that I could take a couple times a day. 

I used to love food.  I did.  Now it doesn't taste that great to me; I can only tolerate a small amount at a time; and I'm kind of "over it".  I'm sure this is just a phase that I'm going through, but...Tonight, we had spaghetti & meatballs at the senior dinner.  I thought I wanted something, so I took a breadstick (bread is often not tolerated at all) and some sauce.  (Liquids help things go down easier...)  One bite and I put it aside.

Just like the pain I had at the beginning of this, which eventually passed, I'm sure that this will pass, too.  In the meantime, food?  Um, no thanks...

Exercising Some Caution...

I think I've overdone at the Y a little bit.  Today, I couldn't do more than 45 minutes in the water.  In fact,  was planning on going to a movie afterward--even drove half way to Greenville--and then realized I was too tired to continue, so I turned around and came home! (and took a nap!)

I'm not complaining--not really.  I'm really happy that I *have* gone to the Y every day since I rejoined--five days straight.  I just think I need to cut back the amount of time I'm spending in the water.  Friday, I was in the pool for 90 minutes!  I don't want to skip days, so I'm cutting back.  Monday, there's an aerobics class at 6:00pm.  I was planning on doing that, but I have "Senior Dinner" at school where I get to talk about the research paper. Yay. :-(  Tuesday night is the deep water aerobics class, which I will also do and then maybe a few minutes free swim afterwards. 

I'm definitely having a great time.  I just want to be really careful not to burn out.  So I'm just going to slow down a bit...and enjoy myself a little more!!  My question for you today: what have you done for YOU lately?

"C" is For Cookie...

...but that word isn't in my vocabulary these days, so let's talk about different "C"s.  

The first "C" I'd like to talk about is CARD.  Maybe you remember last week, I mentioned that the waiter at Pizza Inn asked me if I had a card that proved I had had the surgery and was limited to the amount I could eat.  Well, when I went to the doctor, I got one!  It reads: "Restaurant Card.  Due to Bariatric Surgery, the patient has a reduced size stomach.  Please allow to eat from child's menu or smaller portion. Thank you for your cooperation."  The physician assistant who gave me the card told me that there was no guarantee that restaurants would honor it, but that it was worth a try.  I used it today at IHOP, which brings me to my second "C".

CRAVINGS.  If we overdo, cravings will get us in trouble every time!  Since before my surgery, I have been craving French toast.  Don't ask me why--but I have.  So I went to IHOP tonight, used "the card" and got an order of French toast from the kids' menu.  One slice of bread cut into two triangles with two slices of bacon (which I skipped, thank goodness).  I managed to eat one, and I was done.  I fed my craving, didn't get sick, and I won't need to eat it again for a long while.  It was good enough--it just wasn't "all that".  And that's the thing about cravings--sometimes it's just the *idea* of the food--the fantasy of it...and the reality can be rather disappointing.

And I've saved the best "C" for last--CONFIDENCE.  It is amazing how much more confident I feel now that I've lost 32 pounds.  I swear it's only because my confidence has increased that more men are smiling at me and saying hello.  I mean, I'm still obese, but I've always known that confidence is sexy.  I walk easier, with less pain in my knees.  I smile more and make eye contact more.  And yes, men are noticing me.  And I like it.  Will I continue to like it?  We'll "C"!

Muscles I Forgot I Had

Wow...pain today.  I forgot what it felt like to work muscles like that.  Last night's water aerobics did me in, but I *still* went to the pool after school for ninety minutes!  After the pool, I did 15 minutes in the hot tub and another five in the steam room.  Such a great feeling of fatigue!!

I noticed the sign on the water slide at the pool today.  Before I started this journey, I couldn't have used it because of my weight.  I now qualify!!  I found this strangely exciting! Strange because I have *no* intentions of going on it...at least not for another six months, but it's really cool that I *can*!

Normally I spend Saturday afternoon at the movies.  I'm probably still going to do that, but first, I'm going to the Y to swim! The pool is open from 11:00 to 12:30 and again later in the day.  Yes, I'm tired, and yes, I hurt, but I am really committed to doing this the *right* way!

I thought about the fact that when you read my blog--and especially when you click on the ads--that I'm making a little bit of money. Since I started, I've earned a little over $40. (although the check hasn't arrived yet).  Guess how much the Y costs?  Yep, $40/month.  Coincidence?  Maybe...

And The Verdict Is...

Thirty-two.  I've lost 32 pounds--27 since the surgery five weeks ago! Yay!  And it may actually be more--things haven't been "moving" as normally as I'd like...

After the doctor's appointment, I went back to school for the volleyball match and then I went to the Y for a "deep water aerobics" class.  Wow! What a workout!  I am exhausted tonight and although it's not even 10:00pm, I'm about to pass out! So...no words of wisdom tonight..Just a big thanks to everyone who is supporting me in this journey!  Thank you!  Your support means the world to me!! I love you!

"Y" Not?

As promised, I went to the Y after school and paid for three months.  Why three months?  Not sure if I'll have time to swim in December because I go to NY for two weeks, but I LOVED it so much today that maybe I'll just pay for the year...

I put my swimsuit on before I left the house--and it was really too big! Yay! Except that now I have a problem--I just paid for three months at the Y so I could go swimming!  I hate to put a lot of money into a new suit because it seems like I won't be in it for very long!  Still, it's a pretty good problem to have, huh?

The water in the recreation pool is five degrees warmer than the water in the competition/lap pool.  It was heavenly.  I spent an entire hour moving--treading water, swimming, exercising.  I probably would have overdone it--my muscles ache badly right now--but there was a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder, so we had to get out of the pool.  I spent another 15 minutes or so in the steam room, where a very nice woman let me borrow one of her towels.  Guess who didn't know that the Y doesn't provide them anymore?

I almost didn't go.  I almost decided to stay home.  I almost chickened out.  I usually have no problem going places alone, but for a brief moment, I was reluctant to go to the Y alone.  But that was behavior that the "old" me would have owned--not the "new" me.  And I've got to tell you--this new version of me?  I like her.  A lot.  My friend, T, said that I would change--that he'd seen five other people go through this surgery, and they changed.  I originally said I would not.  But now I embrace the idea of changing.  If I change for the better, "Y" not?

Another Day, Another Dollar...

Today was a "normal" school day.  No hurricane delay (although we *were* under a tornado watch and flash flood warnings all day...),a fire drill, soaking thunderstorm and no air conditioning at school!  Just a normal day...

But it *was* normal--I was craving Mexican food, and so after school, I went to El Tapatio for dinner (as I've done many times before).  What did I do differently?  I didn't eat half the basket of chips with that delicious white salsa, although I did have four chips. Yes, four.  And I didn't order the *fried* chimichanga (even though I loved it--past tense because who knows if I could eat it now!), but instead ordered the chicken burrito and then removed the tortilla.  The chicken and the burrito sauce were delicious--and plentiful; I even brought chicken home for lunch tomorrow.  I've discovered that I just adore spicy foods--and I couldn't care less about sweets!

Thai food yesterday, Mexican today--yay! Things *are* getting back to normal--and I couldn't be happier!

So Nice of You to Notice!

I spent my Labor Day doing what I love--lunch and a movie.  First I went to Lemongrass in Greenville, where Cherry (one of the hostesses/owners) immediately commented on my weight loss! She made my day!  (Yes, I've lost nearly 30 lbs, but it's still nice when someone notices!)I've been patronizing this restaurant for nearly five years--and they never gave me so much as a spring roll.  Well today, down nearly 30 pounds, I get a free bowl of chicken noodle soup!

I ordered the chicken peanut curry (so delicious), the portion of which will serve me for three or four meals. It was really good and didn't bother me at all.  The chicken is well cooked white meat, and the peanuts (which I hadn't had until then) were cooked so they were soft enough to digest.  The food was good, and a full stomach was just what I needed to take to the movies with me.

Going to the movies without popcorn is still slightly difficult for me, but I know it's habit more than anything else.  Yesterday I read an article on Moviefone on aol.com about a study where people ate stale popcorn without complaint in the movie theatre because they became almost "mesmerized" by the location, the film and the eating that goes on around them.

Stale popcorn!  Can you imagine?  I can--this study just proves what I've discovered about myself--it's less about the food and more about the habit.  One thing this surgery has done has made me slow down and think about every bite I take.  I challenge you to do the same--don't just eat that "stale popcorn"; TASTE it!

I'm Baaaaaack!

Surprisingly, the phone company sent a service tech out on a Sunday! Yay!  Turns out it was a bad line; he replaced it, and my DSL is now working.

So my electricity is working as is my DSL, and I ate chicken today without any problem.  Maybe things are calming down now?  It's been a tough month--I had the surgery, went back to work (and the begining of the school year is *always* stressful), experienced my first hurricane and broke up with my boyfriend of three years who had been my fiance for the past six months.  Sheesh, no wonder I haven't been able to eat well!  Talk about stress!

Wednesday is payday, and I'm going to the Y to join for the pool.  Swimming is an exercise that I love to do--it doesn't even seem like exercise to me.  With my knees, the pool is a great idea, and I finally feel well enough to get off my butt!

It's Labor Day, people...the end of the summer, and for me, the end of a long month!  Have a relaxing day! (And thanks for clicking on the ads occasionally--I make a little money when you do, you know?!)

Trials and Tribulations...

I still don't have internet access at home--and probably won't all weekend.  I'm sitting in a Panera Bread in Cary, about 70 miles from home.  No, I didn't have to travel quite that far to find a Panera--there's one in Greenville, about 35 miles from home, but I was in the mood for a spiedie and other than going home to NY, Cary is the only place I could find one today.

Spiedies, for those of you too unfortunate to have grown up outside the Binghamton, NY area, are lovely cubes of meat (chicken, pork, beef, lamb or venison) that are marinated in a highly seasoned marinade and then grilled.  Delish! I wasn't sure I could handle spiedies, but I was willing to try.  I bought a spiedie sandwich already prepared AND a pound of raw spiedies to have another time.  I'm happy to report that they tasted delicious to me and that I was able to tolerate them well.  Of course, I had chicken--Roma's Italian in Cary also sells pork, which I like, but chicken is a little easier to digest.  I don't eat baby animals, so that rules out lamb, and I *had* to eat venison when I was a kid, so there's no way I'm going to eat it as an adult!

So I'm sitting here at Panera with a cold cup of...you guessed it, fruit punch and enjoying the connectivity of being online.  My world is almost...well...normal.  Imagine that!

Normalcy???

I haven't written because I haven't had internet at my house for the past two days.  I'm hoping that I go home and find the DSL is working again.  Sigh.  I know it's not a "big" deal, but the fact is, I'm dying to return to normalcy.  I am back to work, but the arboreal carnage from Hurricane Irene still litters my yard, strangers' yards and the streets.  Everywhere I turn, I am reminded that things still aren't "normal".

I have found that food--all food--is making me sick this week.  I think it's because I'm in an emotional knot.  I know I've mentioned that bottled water doesn't taste good to me anymore unless it's icy cold--well, even icy cold, it's not great.  Food that I was able to eat last week--that chicken salad from the Red & White, for example--tastes terrible to me today.  The only thing I'm enjoying?  Hi-C.  The red kind.  Which, until now, I've not had since I was a kid.  And I don't know WHY it tastes so good to me, I just know it does!!

Hopefully, I'll have internet when I get home today--one step closer to things being "okay".  I wish I had a magic wand to repair the leaky roofs and to return all the fallen trees to their original grandeur. Until then, I'm just going to close my eyes and remember what things were like before Irene blew into our lives.