Wonderful Wednesday!

It's Wednesday, and my freshmen took their state end-of-course exam today.  My fingers are crossed for them!

I had a half cup of sloppy joe mixture for lunch; it was something I made last weekend and froze, so I microwaved it for lunch.  My classroom smells like I cooked a five-course meal in here or something!

I've decided that now that I'm smaller, I like being dressed.  I know that sounds funny but the truth is, I used to use clothing to COVER, while now I use clothing to ENHANCE.  There's really a big difference!  I look forward to getting up in the morning and wearing something that I know looks good!

It's raining here today--fallout from tropical storm Beryl, I guess, and as a result, my knees are aching!  Badly.  And since I've already proven that antiinflammatories can cause an ulcer, I'm on my own with this pain! Boo! Oh, well, it can't rain forever...can it?

I hope you have a great day, wherever you are!  (And I hope the sun is shining!)

Back to the Daily Grind...

I had a great weekend.  Saturday, of course, I met Guy for lunch and went to Josh and Betsy's engagement party.  Sunday, Daisy and I went to Raleigh.  We saw Men in Black III, which was great even though the critics don't seem to have liked it very much!  It was great in IMAX, though; although I am convinced that ALL movies are great in IMAX 3D!  Something about a 70-foot movie screen...

After the movie, I took Daisy to the Twisted Fork, which has become my new favorite restaurant, and not just because they have the most decadent desserts on the planet!  Daisy had the salad bar, which I've avoided because I just don't do "all you can eat" anymore, but I think I'll get it the next time.  It has chicken salad on it, and this amazing spicy Thai chicken salad that I loved.  I had a chicken salad sandwich on multigrain bread that was toasted (without the cheese) and just amazing.  I ate nearly half of it, which is a LOT for me!  It came with sweet potato waffle fries, which I've had there before and are just delicious.  I put 90 percent of them on a plate for Daisy, who refused them but ended up eating them, anyway!  They're really THAT good!

From there, we went shopping, first to World Market.  I love that store!  I bought an adorable straw fedora.  I've always loved hats, but when I was heavier, I didn't look good in a hat.  I think I do now!  In fact, as Daisy and I were leaving the store, I took the hat out of the bag and popped it on my head.  I asked her, "What do you think?" and a man who was walking into the store told me, "It looks great!" Nice to get compliments from total strangers!

Guy and I were supposed to have plans on Monday, but he called to say that his niece's husband, who had been sick with cancer, had passed away.  He felt the need to be with her, and of course, I understood!  So I hung around the house for a while, did a few things and in late afternoon, I drove back to Raleigh to see another movie!  This one was playing at the Rialto, one of the independent theatres there.  I had seen a trailer for the movie, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, back in December and knew I'd love it.  And I did.  It's a British film starring Judi Dench, Bill Nighy and other wonderful actors.  It was funny and touching, and I enjoyed it as much as I thought I would.  The theatre is an "old-time" theatre that serves beer and wine and has the old marquee with huge letters! It's "cash only", wonderfully nostalgic, and I've seen some great movies there!

Well, it's Tuesday and back to work.  It's 4:12am, and I'm wide awake, which might be problematic today!! I hope you have a great day, and as always, thanks for reading!

Another New Friend!

I had a great lunch yesterday with the new guy, whom I'll call "Guy" for a while.  He was very nice, seemed to really be into ME, and we've already made plans to see each other again.  Guy is about 5'10 or so, retired from nearly 30 years in the Army and works as an EMT. In the 90 minutes we were together, he showed himself to be a good-hearted man which is most important to me!  He hugged me goodbye and held me a little "too" long--which was fine because it showed me he really was into me, and he smelled SO good!

It was nice being with a taller man--Whit was only an INCH taller than I, and I've always liked reaching up to hug a man!  Guy told me that he thinks I'm beautiful--inside and out, which was a great compliment!  We definitely will see each other next weekend, but we may see each other tomorrow. Today, I'm going to see Men in Black III at the IMAX with Daisy.  There's nothing like 3D IMAX!!

Last evening, I went to the engagement party of one of my former students, Josh.  Both he and his older brother are getting married this year, so his parents threw a pig picking, where they had so much amazing food.  It was wonderful to see him--talk about tall, he's at least 6'5"--and his fiancee Betsy.  Josh's father, whom I know well, didn't even recognize me.  I have to say--that's a surreal and wonderful outcome of this surgery!  I had a great time chatting with an older couple and eating a delicious meal.

Tomorrow is Memorial Day--and much more than just a day off.  It's a day to remember those we've lost.  Have a super Sunday--share it with someone you love!

The Mirror and Other New Friends

Have you ever really looked at yourself in the mirror?  I mean really looked?  When I was at my heaviest, I used a mirror to make sure my hair and mascara looked good (I have always had great hair and nice eyes), but I rarely--if ever--looked beyond my head!

Today, the mirror is a friend.  I mean, it's all relative.  Someone who's used to wearing a size 4 would not be happy with a size 12-14 reflection like I am, but I haven't worn a size 4 since I WAS 4.  (And probably not then, either!!)  But since I used to wear a 22-24, wearing a 12-14 makes me feel damned good!  And when I catch my reflection in the mirror, or in a store window, I'm a little surprised by the view but happily so!  I even looked at myself naked last night.  Um...I definitely look better in clothing but even naked wasn't terrible!!

Clothing stores are my friends now, too.  In the last month, I've bought eight dresses!  EIGHT in a month!  I'll bet I haven't bought eight dresses in the last fifteen years!!  I found these adorable sundresses at Walmart for $14.00.  They are cute and very flattering.  I found five of them in the store and ordered three on the website.  If you have them delivered to another Walmart store, they don't charge for shipping; otherwise, the shipping is just $.97 per item!  And they ship fast!  I bought the three online on Tuesday and they arrived yesterday!(And no, Walmart doesn't pay me to endorse them--I just can't afford to be too picky!  We haven't had a raise in five years!)

The dresses are sleeveless--which has always presented a problem for me.  When I was heavier, I hated the size of my upper arms.  Now I hate the flabbiness--picture a balloon that's slowly been deflated over time--but I actually went sleeveless yesterday and did all right!  (I have purchased adorable lace-back "cardigans" to wear over these dresses at Sam's Club for just $14.97 each--I bought 3, one in white, hot pink and black!)  It's hot here in NC, and vanity be damned!  This summer, I'm going to be comfortable!

And it's a good thing that clothing stores and I are friends again--I've given away almost everything I used to own!  I'm trying not to buy too much as I'm still losing weight--I'm down about 116 pounds right now, but short of walking around in the SAME outfit every day, I had to do something!

It's Friday!  (And I have a lunch date tomorrow--different guy, thanks!  I'll let you know more over the weekend, but I DO get good vibes from this one...The one from last week gave me some weak excuse and asked for a second chance, but I don't think so...)  Have a WONDERFUL day, a great weekend and make friends with your mirror!

Ch-Ch-Changes!

Last night, I packed up SEVEN bags and one box of clothing I can no longer wear.  I gave two bags and the box to the Salvation Army; two bags to a colleague and three to the parent of one of my students.

I love being able to do that!  In fact, it's one of the coolest things about this entire process!  At first, I was bothered when my colleague wore one of my tops to school--I think in part because I was still feeling that size.  While I still have days like that, they are fewer all the time!  Yesterday, she wore one of the tops I had given her and it looked great on her!

Today, I'm wearing my engagement ring--on my middle finger.  It doesn't fit my ring finger anymore, and it's too pretty to sit in my jewelry box.  I suppose I should have returned the ring to him when I broke up with him, but remember--he said he wasn't sure he could be attracted to me when I lost the weight.  Now, really...does he DESERVE the ring back?  It's pretty, right?  And looks good on that finger!!  (Just FYI, ring size dropped from an 8 to about a 7...depending on how wide the band.)  Shoe size has changed, too.  I had to tighten EVERY one of my shoes!

It's Thursday--just one more day and the long weekend is upon us!  Have a thoughtful, thank-filled Thursday, folks!

Wednesday Woes

Today is the last day of classes for my seniors.  And yes, it's bittersweet.  This has been a tough year--we started with a hurricane and a broken engagement (mine) and we're ending with laughter and tears (also mine).  This school year has seen me lose 110 pounds (more or less) and we've been blessed that none of our kids have been lost in accidents, which, unfortunately, our neighboring schools can't claim.  It's a time of jubilation and of loss.  And I go through this every year.

Last night, the television show Glee had its graduation, and while some people complained that they weren't happy with the outcome, it rang true for me.  This is my eighth year at this school, and I've cried like a baby every year.  Graduation is a time of such excitement for the kids, but the more savvy kids realize that it's also a sad time.  Their lives are about to get busy!  And difficult.  Kids think that college is a time of freedom and joy--and it can be--but it can also be a crucible of character.  No more teachers nagging at them to remind them to do their assignments means that students without self-discipline may find college nearly impossible.

I hope I've done my job well and have prepared "my kids" for the future.  It's funny that after nineteen years of teaching that I still have my doubts, but I do.  I guess I wouldn't be a good teacher if I didn't!

Have a wonderful Wednesday; sorry this is such a somber entry, but even though my seniors had parties today (and oh, the food!  I'm so glad I don't eat like that anymore!), I'm not really in a party mood!

PS: This blog has had more than 14 THOUSAND page views!  Thank you for sticking with me!  Who knew when I started this in August that people would actually LIKE to read this stuff?!

Good Things Come in Small Packages

Who do you suppose first coined that phrase?  A jeweler, maybe?  Because other than jewelry, I can't think of too many things to which that phrase applies.  Certainly not men (and I know you know what I mean...).  Generally speaking, we want our "money's worth", right?  Why settle for a small when we can "value size" for just 99 cents more?  

Restaurant portions are out of control.  Even before the surgery, I could usually get a second meal out of almost anything I ordered in a restaurant.  These days, I get a second meal out of kids' portions!  I recently read that today's fast-food hamburger is 40 percent larger than that of 30 years ago.  Now, for those of you thinking that they should be because those burgers used to cost less than a dollar, keep in mind that the calories have nearly doubled, too!  

A "small" soda used to be 12 ounces.  Now a small is at least 20 ounces.  A "small" popcorn at the movies is 630 calories.  630!  That's the calories for nearly two meals.  And yet, how many times have you seen one or two people EMPTY a BUCKET?  Want to know the calorie count on a LARGE popcorn?  Hope you're sitting down...1640 calories, and 126 grams of FAT!

So maybe good things DO come in small packages.  (Except for boyfriends--have I mentioned that?)  I know that the smaller the package I consume, the smaller the package I NEED to put my behind in.  And this is one woman who likes the fact that she's fitting into smaller packages these days!

Tuesday!  Have a terrific one!

Stood Up and Packed Up!

I know you spent the entire weekend wondering how my lunch went--but I think you know by the title of this post!

Not that I sat and cried about it.  Nope.  I had a good lunch--it was at El Tapatio, one of my favorite places to eat, and my friend (and assistant manager) Luis was working, so it was not a loss at all.  Except maybe for the stupid guy who didn't show up. LOL

I had a good weekend.  I accomplished a few things around the house--slowly but surely, I'm getting rid of clothing that no longer fits.  I've given about five bags of it to a friend here at school, but some of the things I've bought over the past eight months no longer fit me, so I'm packing that stuff up for the Salvation Army.  I have a box and a bag to donate, and I'm not done!

When you lose weight, there is absolutely NO point in keeping the clothing you used to wear.  First of all, it just takes up space that you need for your new things.  Second, keeping old clothing that USED to fit is like keeping an old boyfriend (or husband) in case the new relationship doesn't work out.  Ack!  Why create any more reasons to stay anchored in the past?

I had thought about posing on my year anniversary in the clothing I wore in my pre-surgery photo, but the truth is, I threw those pants out!  They were HUGE, and there was no point to even attempting to get into them again.  The past is just that--PAST!

Monday, Monday...only one more this school year, for which I am thankful.  Have a marvelous Monday, everyone!

Fabulous Friday!

It's Friday!  I'm always so glad for the weekend, especially this time of the year.  School is tough--kids are getting antsy, teachers have a lot to do to prepare for the end of the year, and the lovely NC weather just adds to the problem!  So, yes, I look forward to the weekends...maybe more than usual this week.

I'm meeting someone for lunch tomorrow.  A male someone.  No more details right now, please.  We've chatted a couple times; I'm not sure if it's going to be anything more than that, but I'm "back on the horse."  We'll see what happens.

Truth is, after Whit, I'm not sure I'm looking for a "relationship" right now, anyway.  I'm getting to know myself again--new body and all--and I've LOVED having the downtime since I ended things with Whit.  He was really demanding of my time, although he probably wouldn't see it as such, but since I was driving two hours (round trip) four to five times a week...  I have just loved going home from school and making myself a little dinner and doing nothing.  Or laundry.  Or my nails.  But the bottom line was that I had the time to do whatever I wanted and needed to do.

I think people devalue personal time.  It's important to hang out with yourself, even if you're doing nothing.  Last weekend, I saw two movies by myself.  It was great.  I hope to see at least one this weekend, as well.  After all, I'm supposed to be my own best friend, right?

Have a fabulous Friday, everyone!  (And carve out some time for YOURSELF!)

Cuban Food? (And in the DARK!)

Last night, Martha and I went to Havana Grill in Cary.  I had a "Living Social" gift certificate where I paid $10 for $20 credit.  If you haven't used Living Social or Groupon, you need to do so!  They really benefit you by exposing you to new restaurants and events and by saving you money in the meantime!  That's how I found The Twisted Fork, which I just love.

However, Havana Grill?  Not so much.  Martha is mostly vegetarian, so she ordered a vegetarian sandwich while I ordered the grilled chicken sandwich.  First, sandwiches aren't really a good idea for me because I can't eat much bread, but the description sounded good: Sandwich de Pechuga de Pollo / Grilled Chicken Sandwich Wow, Chicken on the grill. Boneless chicken breast marinated in tropical citrus juices and sautéed on the flat griddle and topped with caramelized onion on pressed Cuban bread.   Sounds good, right?  Well, it was flat, flat, flat (and I don't mean just because it was pressed!)  The sandwiches were to come with "Cuban fries".  Well, inasmuch as neither Martha nor I had ever eaten Cuban food before, we didn't know what to expect.  What we got were shredded little bits of fried potato ON the sandwiches.  Weird.  And not terribly tasty.  It needed...I don't know...something!  But live and learn.  Martha liked hers well enough; the sandwiches were huge, so we did take them home, (although I gave her mine for her aunt or uncle).

I got home about 7:30pm; it was raining and thundering.  My power was out--and that's when I remembered that I hadn't paid the electric bill!  Argh!  So I spent the night in darkness--my laptop had enough power to get me through a few Bejeweled 3 games; I read a little on my Kindle (by flashlight) and listened to a little music on my iPhone (but not much because I needed it charged enough to wake me up this morning!!)  I just called the town, and by paying a FEE, I was able to arrange to have it back on in the next hour or two.  Phewww.  I still had hot-ish water this morning with which to wash up, so it wasn't truly "roughing" it.  I'm really annoyed with myself because I HAD the money--I simply forgot to pay it!

Oh, well...it's Thursday.  That means the weekend is right around the corner!  Have a great day!

Is It Summer Yet?

This is always a difficult time of the year.  We teachers want to prepare our students for exams, and the students (for the most part) have already checked out.  They have lousy attitudes, don't want to study and they think they know everything.

I so need to get to the beach!  I'm really looking forward to the beach because for the first time ever, I know that I'll look pretty good in my swimsuit.  Not great, but definitely on the way!  It's an exciting time for me!  Between going to the beach and riding amusement park rides, I have serious PLANS!

It's Wednesday, for which I am GRATEFUL!  I hope you have a great day!

Manic Monday!

I had a GREAT weekend.  Saturday, I went to the movies and saw Safe, starring Jason Statham.  I just love him and his "Transporter" movies, so I loved this one, too, even though it was a bit sluggish in parts.  Then Saturday night, Dorothy invited me to her annual Mother's Day dinner where they had WAY too much food.  I was good, though--had a little bit of chicken, some Jello salad with carrots, pineapple and pecans, some baked beans and a tiny bit of "banana split pie" dessert.  Dorothy makes all of her desserts with sugar-free and low-fat products, so it wasn't bad calorie wise, and it tasted pretty good, too!

Yesterday, I went to see Dark Shadows and was immediately transported back to my early teens!  I used to love the show and would hurry home from school to see it!  Barnabas Collins was such a romantic figure--a tormented, compassionate vampire! (Long before that hack Stephenie Meyer and her crappy "sparkling" vampires).  My love-crazed teenaged heart loved him and the series.  I was worried that the movie was more spoof than homage, but my worries were unfounded.  It had a few very funny moments, but overall, it was a loving tribute to the series that caught the imagination of teens and preteens in the late 60s and early 70s.

Then last night, Dorothy and I went to see WICKED at DPAC (Durham Performing Arts Center).  It was my first time there, and let me tell you, I was IMPRESSED.  It's an absolutely beautiful, modern facility that is so well organized!  The play was nearly as good as it was on Broadway!  We had a great time, and Dorothy, who hadn't seen the play, loved it as much as I had predicted she would.  Afterward, we went to Denny's where we ordered from the "senior" menu.  Age-wise, I'm not really qualified, but the portions are smaller, so it was perfect.  I ordered a turkey club sandwich, which was a BLT with turkey!  (And on two slices of bread rather than three like a "regular" club sandwich.)  It was delicious--I had half and boxed up the rest (including the potatoes) to go.

I drove, so by the time I took Dorothy home and got home myself, it was after midnight.  As a result, I'm a bit tired today, but it was such a good weekend that I don't care!  Have a marvelous Monday, everyone!

PS: I weighed in this morning and have lost another three pounds, taking me to 113 down.  I am officially 30 pounds away from my HIGH SCHOOL WEIGHT.  Isn't that wild?

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all of you who are mothers--whether in the biological sense or just because you love someone enough to be their mother!

This is often a tough holiday for me--one, my mother and I are separated by more than 600 miles, and two, it is a reminder that I'm NOT a mother.  At least not in the biological definition of the word.  Last Mother's Day, Shannon gave me a card and a candle and candle holder.  It meant the world to me, and of course, I kept the card.  This year, one of my former students wished me a happy Mother's Day and thanked me for "all the love".

It was a great reminder.  I AM a mother...at least to my students.  I'm the person who cheers them on, scolds them when they need to be scolded, loves them and listens to them.  I didn't need to give birth to them to care about them.

So today, thank a mother...whether it's your biological mother, the mother of your stepchildren or the woman who treats you like one of her own.  Have  splendid Sunday!

What Have You Done for YOU Lately?

I've decided that I love buying clothes.  It's so funny to me now!  I went and bought another sleeveless dress--this one is a brown and white "batik" print with crocheted detail at the neckline.  It's really cute, comfortable and looks good!

It's so unusual for me to feel this way about myself and about clothing.  I thought that the health benefits of this surgery were great (and they are), but the aesthetics! Wow!  I am confident about having my picture taken for the first time I can remember.  I'm confident about meeting new people and about applying for new jobs.  I was always relatively confident--and GOOD at pretending to be completely confident--but this newly found REAL confidence makes me feel unstoppable.

So...this is what treating myself well has done for ME.  What have you done for YOURSELF lately!

It's finally Friday--enjoy your day!

Compliments!

Today I'm wearing a long white sleeveless dress topped by a pink and white floral print sweater.  I picked up the outfit at Wal-Mart for $23.  (The sweater was marked down from $15 to $9 and the dress was $14!)  I've received a zillion compliments already today!  And let me tell you--it feels GREAT.

I've always had SOME fashion sense, but I never wanted to dress that big body.  And if I did, the compliments were always on the clothing--"I like your blouse".  NOW, the compliments are for ME.  "You look really pretty today!"  Wow--talk about growth!

I'm reveling in the feeling!  I hope you have a great day--it's Thursday, folks; the weekend isn't far away!

Size Does Matter, Revisited...or...JOY, JOY, JOY!

There are moments in our lives that are so filled with joy that we can't express it.  Those are the "big" moments in life--a proposal, discovering a great restaurant, finding out you're pregnant after years of trying to conceive--you know, moments like that.  Then there are those little moments that we don't expect...those times when the most mundane occurrence fills our hearts to the point of near exploding. Those moments are the focus of today's post.

I have had many such moments since I had the surgery last August.  Little things really do mean a lot.  The first time someone complimented me on my weight loss filled me with pride.  Seeing people I haven't seen in a while always is exciting because they are always raving about how great I look.  And remember--when I started this, it was NOT about the aesthetics, AT ALL.  My sole motivation for having the surgery was so that I could feel better.  LOOKING better wasn't even something I really thought about.  But am I enjoying that benefit now!

Today I got dressed in my new size "large" underwear and my new size "large" capri pants.  I topped off the outfit with my new size "large" jade green top that I bought at Cato on Saturday.  I just LOVE it.  Don't get me wrong--I still held up the panties and the pants and thought they'd never fit me, but I am definitely enjoying being able to buy "on the other side of the store".  (For those of you unfamiliar with Cato, one side of the store is "plus sizes" while the other side is "regular" sizes.) The other day, I picked up a little lightweight "cardigan" with a lace back for my friend Daisy because she liked mine.  In the eight years that I've known her, Daisy has always been smaller than I.  Well, my jacket is a "large"; I had to get her an "extra large" because her shoulders are broader than mine!

Yes, little things mean a lot.  And while I'm not thrilled with the outcome of the Amendment 1 vote here in NC yesterday and the lack of progressive thinking in this state, I am happy with the progress I've made.  Of course, my original goal of feeling better has been met--I walk now without a cane and haven't used my handicapped parking tag in ages.  But more than that, I look pretty good these days!  And knowing that fills me with unbelievable JOY!

Have a wonderful Wednesday!

The Countdown Begins...

There are just four weeks left of school.  Seriously.  Graduation is four weeks from Friday.  Isn't that wild?  The school year is almost over.  It's almost summer.  Yay!

It's been a long school year.  We've had a lot of changes, some of which have been great, some of which have been difficult, but I'm looking forward to this summer like no other!  Mostly because it's like there's a new ME in town!  I've been looking at summer clothes, thinking about the beach and amusement parks and thinking about how DIFFERENT this summer is going to be for me, more than 110 pounds smaller than I was last summer!

About 10 years ago, I tried to ride a roller coaster at Hershey Park in Pennsylvania.  It was an older, wooden roller coaster, and my butt wouldn't fit in the seat.  I was mortified and that was the last time I even attempted to get on a ride at an amusement park.  And I've missed them.  A lot.  I love that scary-but-exciting feeling of creeping upwards, ever so slowly chug-chug-chugging your way to the top of the peak before screaming in excitement as the car goes careening down the first big hill!  

This summer is going to be different--and I'm ready.  I'm ready to scream with excitement, to ride all the rides until I'm dizzy, to hang out on the beach in my new swimsuit and not worry (perhaps for the first time EVER) about how I look.  It's Tuesday--hope yours is terrific.  Is it summer yet?  

A Super Sunday!

I hope you had a good weekend!  I did.  Yesterday, I took Trevor to the IMAX to see "The Avengers".  When we got to the theatre, the 11:30 show was sold out.  So was the 1:45pm show AND the 4:15 show!  We bought tickets for the 7:45 show and then set out to spend the day in Raleigh.

First, we went to lunch/brunch at the Twisted Fork.  The server let us SHARE the buffet, which is unheard of in other restaurants.  He brought me a small plate, and I just took a few bites from Trevor's plate.  I had a small chicken wing, a few pieces of roasted potato, a quarter of a waffle (with a tiny bit of syrup--syrup is not my friend) and a slice of bacon.  I was so full, but happily so!  From there, we went to North Hills and saw "The Raven."  It was pretty good--not great, but I really like both John Cusack and Edgar Allan Poe, so for the most part, I enjoyed it.  (It was a little too graphically violent for my taste...)

From there, Trevor and I went to Sam's Club, where I bought two more pair of Nicole Miller knit capris.  I bought another black pair and a white pair.  I should add that I bought these in size "large" as the first ones I bought were "extra large" and are really too big for me.  They're very nice, super comfortable and wash really well!

From Sam's, we went to get a "snack" at TGI Friday's and then to Trader Joe's.  I had never been to Trader Joe's, and I had no idea what to expect, but it's like an inexpensive Whole Foods.  I sampled their pulled pork which they served with black beans and sweet potato/corn tortilla chips.  (Yummy! I'm going to add black beans to my pulled pork next time I make it.)

Finally, it was time for Trevor and I to go to the IMAX.  We had to wait another hour or so, but it was absolutely WORTH it.  The movie was great, and even though Trevor had seen it the night before, he had to admit that nothing compares to IMAX 3D!  See it if you can--especially in IMAX.  It was exciting, with very cool special effects, but the best part of it was the humor.  It was funnier than I had expected!

It's Monday--and this is late because I got in at 1am after taking Trevor home, so I'm tired.  Have a good day and I'll be earlier tomorrow!!

Never Been So Happy to Be Average!

Well, it's confirmed...I'm AVERAGE!  Yay!  After years of being "queen-sized" or "plus-sized", I'm wearing a regular misses' size 14.  According to ask.com, the average woman wears a 14!

I went shopping yesterday afternoon and bought a skirt and three tops at Cato.  The skirt, a floral pattern, was really cute, and I picked up a size L.  When I went to get dressed, I held up the skirt and literally said aloud, "What were you thinking when you bought this?  There is no way it's going to fit..." and then I stepped into it.  It fit perfectly.  When will my head catch up with my body?

I went to prom where the kids all looked beautiful!  After prom, I went to WalMart to buy some containers for the pulled pork that I made in the crock-pot yesterday.  There I bought a dress ($14--just a cute sleeveless summer dress!), a new bra (38C--I've lost an entire cup size AND four inches), undies and a pretty pink printed light cardigan which will be really cute over that dress.  (And which I'll probably wear to graduation).

It's Sunday.  I'm taking one of my "baby birds", Trevor, to the movies and to lunch.  He just graduated from ECU on Friday, and I'm so proud of him.  Hope you get to spend some time with someone you love!

Head Games

I was supposed to go to Martha's graduation today, but my stomach was acting up so I wasn't able to do so.   I feel better now--a couple of hours later.  Sigh.

I went to get dressed after my shower this morning and held up my jeans to step into them.  I stared at them and knew that there was no way I was going to get THIS body into their narrowness.  But of course, I did. They're MY jeans--they fit.  I know this on one level, but not on all levels.  It's such a bizarre experience!

I've decided that I AM going to prom tonight.  I don't need a date to have fun.  Dates don't guarantee fun...after all, James went to the last three proms with me!  I may even see if I can find something to wear...I have a dress with a matching little jacket that I may wear, but I am tempted to look for something else, anyway.  We'll see. 

I hope you have a sensational Saturday.  I have an appointment with Charley to do my hair and Lauren to do my makeup.  If things turn out well, I'll post a pic.  If they don't, well...be glad I spared you! Ha ha!

Stupid Cupid...and A Busy Weekend

It's finally Friday! Yay!  I saw this picture on a former student's Facebook page and had to steal it!

Love this!  And yeah, I'm tired of Cupid--he needs to leave me alone for a while!  Did you ever THINK you were in love but in retrospect realize that you tried to make yourself feel things you weren't feeling?  When I first met Whit, he was nice enough, but I didn't think we had any chemistry.  By chemistry, I mean that mysterious "clicking" that happens when you meet someone--the je ne sais quoi. (That's French for "I don't know what").  We had FUN together--I mean, he's got a great sense of humor, and we were always laughing, but when it was time for things to get serious, it was evident that there was something missing.  But I tried to dismiss that thought, tried to ignore the fact that things weren't so great once we scratched the surface of the relationship.

I did that with my weight, too.  Before the surgery, I told myself that I was okay at my weight--that my blood pressure wasn't bad, that my heart was healthy, that if people didn't like my size, it was THEIR problem, not mine.  My mom (and I'm sure other people in my life) thought that I was a happy, confident fat woman.  I wasn't.  For years, I walked around lying to myself--and others--about who I was beneath the surface.

Because I have experience with believing what I want to believe, I know that the mind can play powerful tricks on us.  When I was married, I made all kinds of excuses for our relationship's problems and kept waiting for things to "get better"--for EIGHT years.  With James, I did the same thing, but for a shorter period of time.  Now, with Whit, I ended things before the lies could continue any further.  Four months was enough.  I'm encouraged that I'm learning.  Of course, ideally, I wouldn't lie to myself at all, but...at least I'm getting the point sooner!

I have a busy weekend ahead of me--college graduation means baby birds are moving on!  Tomorrow is Martha's graduation from Peace College in Raleigh, and she'd like me to be there.  Trevor graduated today from ECU in Greenville and wanted me to be there, but it's a work day and I don't have any more personal time!  However, I am going to take him out to dinner on Sunday in celebration.  Tomorrow night is prom--originally, Whit and I were supposed to go.  My first reaction was to skip it all together, but I may go for a while tomorrow.  We'll see how things go in Raleigh.

Have a fabulous Friday--and enjoy the weekend.  Again, thanks for stopping by--I really do appreciate your support!  Oh...and did you know that today is STAR WARS day?  "May the Fourth be with you!"  lol..sorry...I just LOVED that!

Welcome to the CLUB!

Yesterday, I met Susan at Chik-fil-A so that she could get the tickets for Wicked from me.  We ordered dinner--I bought my customary kid's meal(I ate 4 nuggets, 3 fries and a half of a kid-sized tea)and sat and chatted for a while.  Susan was the one person who got me truly thinking about having gastric bypass surgery because she had it six or seven years ago.

I hadn't seen her since before my surgery, although we're Facebook friends, so she's seen photos, and I know she reads the blog occasionally.  It was great to sit down with someone who's been through this surgery, because she knows exactly what I've experienced.  Her questions had me laughing so hard, mostly because of the commonality we share!  Her question, "have you tried a drink yet?" made me laugh so hard that I almost fell off the bench!  If you don't remember, I had a swallow--literally a swallow--of Moscato wine at Olive Garden during basketball playoffs and got drunk almost instantly!  She and I laughed about that experience as it was very similar to her first time with alcohol where she nursed an airline bottle of peach Schnapps for an entire evening! They tell us not to drink any alcohol for a year after the surgery--and I know why!

She also asked me about "one bite too much", and I have had that experience on more than one occasion.  It usually has happened when I'm having a meal with someone, and we're chatting, so I'm not really taking my "food pulse" like I should.  Generally, when I'm eating alone, I'm very aware of how much I can eat, and it's easy to listen to my body when it's time to quit.  But sometimes, when I'm in the middle of a good conversation, I neglect to listen to my body and take that ONE extra bite.  And invariably, that one bite will end up in my napkin.  Gross?  Yes, but far less so than if I actually ate that extra bite!

It was fun sharing the experiences with Susan--like we were members of an exclusive club, complete with secret handshake!  Now I've shared some of the experiences with you, so welcome to the club!  If you're contemplating this surgery, don't let any of my stories scare you--having this surgery is easily the BEST thing I've ever done for myself.

Have a thankful, thoughtful Thursday!

Size DOES Matter

Of all the lies we tell ourselves (and each other), "size doesn't matter" has to be one of the biggest!  Of course size matters!  Would you try to wear a size 10 shoe if you only needed a size 7?  Or a size 5 if you needed an 8?  Would the dress you fell in love with be a great purchase if it didn't fit? If you were 6'4", would you buy a sub-compact car?  Size matters. (And ladies, if you've ever dated a man who was...um...less than gifted, you know exactly what I mean!)

When I was a size 22-24, I ripped the tags out of my clothes.  All of them.  I didn't want to advertise that number--to myself or to anyone else.  Today, wearing a regular size "large", I have no desire to rip the tag out.  In fact, I think I'm wearing the tags like badges of honor!  

Size does matter.  Whether we're talking about the guy we're dating or the size clothing we're wearing. I'm reaching a point where I'm comfortable with my size.  Truly comfortable.  It's really hard to get my head around these changes sometimes; in fact, today I came into school to find a colleague wearing one of my old tops.  It looks good on her, but I feel like it should still fit ME.  Still, I wouldn't go back to that size for anything--because whether you like it or not, size DOES matter.

I feel like I've turned a corner in the healing process and am feeling happy today.  Maybe it's because I realized something important?  Yeah, I think that's it! It's Wednesday.  I hope yours is wonderful.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do, Part 2

I'm still hurting.  A lot.  It was especially difficult after school yesterday.  Usually after school, I call Whit at the very least--often, I go see him!  I stayed at school late--until after 6pm.  Yes, I had work to do, but I also felt a bit "lost".  I wanted desperately to pick up the phone and call him, but that's habit after four months.  

I texted his younger daughter last night to tell  her how much I loved her performance on Friday night; she was sweet and texted back to tell me how much she appreciated my being there to see her.  I'm going to miss her a lot...she truly is a wonderful kid.

I had to force myself to eat dinner last night.  I had absolutely no appetite, which I know is no healthier than overeating in this situation.  So I'm going to take it a step at a time.  I will make myself eat until I do it without hesitation.  In the meantime, I can take solace in the fact that I'm not overeating.  Small consolation, but still...

I sold the tickets to "Wicked" that I had purchased for Whit and the girls.  We were supposed to go on May 18th.  I had planned the entire evening, and now I've had to cancel everything.  I took a loss on the tickets, but at least someone will use them, and I'll not have to look at them as a reminder of what might have been.

Have a terrific Tuesday--I'm just hoping to keep my head above water.  Thanks for reading.