I hate dating. Okaaay...I don't hate dating. Because dating can actually be a lot of fun. I've met some really nice guys recently--and had two dates with one of them last weekend, and I've already made plans for a date with another for a week from Saturday! What I hate is the "predating" ritual that we put ourselves through--when our self-esteem is really tested, and when the way we feel about ourselves can really help us or hurt us.
When I got married in 1992, I thought I was done with dating. And then I got divorced. I dated a little between the time of my divorce and the time I moved to NC. There was a long-term relationship that was also long-distance, and like most long-distance relationships, it fell apart. Then, in 2008, I met James, eventually got engaged and again, I thought I was done with dating. (I've got to stop thinking that! It seems to curse me! lol)
I don't know how people meet other than online, which is where I've met the three guys I'm talking to now. (Yes, there's a third, but I'm not going to talk about him now!) If you've never gone to an online dating website, I recommend that you check it out, if for no other reason than to realize how much work it is! Most websites ask applicants to complete a rather lengthy application and find matches through complicated algorithms.
The online applications are complex, but the real work begins when you actually make a connection. There's the challenge of making small talk. There's deciding what to wear. There's deciding where to meet. And then there's the self-doubt. Is he going to like me? Am I pretty enough? Young enough? Thin enough? Smart enough? These questions used to plague me. I never felt attractive enough. I always felt overwhelmed by self-doubt. Today, I am less so, but it does still haunt me. On one hand, I think I'm a pretty good "catch"...I'm attractive, smart and thinner and happier than I've ever been. But on the other hand, I have spent the bulk of my life fat and feeling very undesirable. And old habits definitely do die hard.
Yes, dating is scary. Really scary. But I'm still out there--trying different guys on for size, hoping to find one that "fits". If nothing else, I'm seeing some good movies, eating some good food and having some good laughs. I may or may not have found "the one", but at least I'm out there looking. Are you?
Yes, dating is scary. Really scary. But I'm still out there--trying different guys on for size, hoping to find one that "fits". If nothing else, I'm seeing some good movies, eating some good food and having some good laughs. I may or may not have found "the one", but at least I'm out there looking. Are you?
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