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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Liar, Liar!

Before the surgery, I told a lot of lies.  A lot of lies. I lied directly to myself, and I guess I lied indirectly to other people by acting like nothing was wrong.  I lied about liking myself, about not caring that I was obese, that I looked good in clothing, that I wasn't worth having anyone good in my life.  And then I had the surgery, and a few miracles happened.

The biggest one isn't that I've lost 83 pounds (or so I think; I see the doctor in a couple weeks to get an "official" total), but that I've stopped lying to myself.  I see things more clearly--I can look in a mirror and can tell if something looks good or if I need to put something else on.  I've been able to look at old photographs of myself and see that those baggy tops didn't flatter me in the least, although at the time, I told myself they did.  I know that I look a lot better than I did five months ago, but I also know I have another 50 or 60 pounds to lose.  I do like myself today, and I do believe that I'm worth having someone good in my life.  I'm no longer going to "settle" because I don't have to.

And I've become a human lie detector.  Perhaps it's because I have so much experience telling my own lies, but I know when people are lying to me, whether the liar is an adult or one of my students.  And it may be rather ironic, but I hate liars.  I do.  I refuse to waste time on people who aren't honest.  Life is too short.  I'll give you the shirt off my back if you need it...until you lie to me, and then it's all over. No excuses.  Go lie to someone else.   

Whatever it is you want, set clear goals for yourself, but be honest.  If you weigh 300 pounds, you're not going to get down to 125 by summer, even with gastric bypass.  Be honest.  Maybe you don't really want to weigh 125, anyway.  Find your truth--and pursue it.  As soon as they hear about my surgery, people ask me about my goal weight.  I tell them the truth: I don't have one.  I don't.  In part, I never set a goal because I didn't have this surgery for aesthetics.  I had it because I was sick of being in pain.  I was sick of wondering if a chair was going to be too small to sit in.  I had it because I wanted to walk without assistance.  But I'll be honest with you--and myself--I like looking better!  I still don't have a goal weight--but mostly because I'm confident that my body will stop losing weight when I'm where I am "supposed" to be.

It's Tuesday; I hope yours is terrific--and TRUTHFUL!

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