(NOTE: This is being written Monday night at 9:30pm)
I don't have to wait until tomorrow to know that I regret what I did tonight. I ended things with Buddy. My heart is breaking, but I had to do it for self-preservation. I just couldn't deal with the idea of him being with/kissing/sleeping with other women. I guess that it was ME that I was sure was going to get hurt--and I was right. I know that we had only been seeing each other for a month, but like I said yesterday, nine or ten dates in a month made for a quick relationship. I wish I had infinite patience. I do. I wish I could have waited for him to experience other women and then come back to me...in fact, I asked him to do just that. I said that he should date a lot and that if he doesn't find a wonderful woman to call me. Maybe he'll come back to me. Or maybe I just "passed" on the most wonderful thing I've ever had...
And yes, I regret it. You're probably wondering why I did this; why I didn't just let things continue--after all, we were at least dating. I got to see him at least once a week, right? We had fun at the movies, right? He bought me beautiful roses. All of these things are true. But there's something truer. I deserve to be the only one. I do. I deserve a man who sees me for who I am and who can appreciate the total package. Who doesn't need other women to make him feel special or important or whatever. I don't deserve a man who makes me feel bad about myself because he has to see what else is out there...who isn't satisfied with all that I have to offer. I deserve more.
Saying that--and believing it--is a big deal for me. The "old" Rhonda would've sat around waiting for his call, jealous and hurting but too afraid to say anything. The "new" Rhonda realizes that she has a right to her feelings and that a truly GOOD man would realize that while she's not perfect, she is pretty damned good...
And yes, I regret it. You're probably wondering why I did this; why I didn't just let things continue--after all, we were at least dating. I got to see him at least once a week, right? We had fun at the movies, right? He bought me beautiful roses. All of these things are true. But there's something truer. I deserve to be the only one. I do. I deserve a man who sees me for who I am and who can appreciate the total package. Who doesn't need other women to make him feel special or important or whatever. I don't deserve a man who makes me feel bad about myself because he has to see what else is out there...who isn't satisfied with all that I have to offer. I deserve more.
Saying that--and believing it--is a big deal for me. The "old" Rhonda would've sat around waiting for his call, jealous and hurting but too afraid to say anything. The "new" Rhonda realizes that she has a right to her feelings and that a truly GOOD man would realize that while she's not perfect, she is pretty damned good...
I'm sad. Incredibly sad. So I'm going to cut this short. Have a terrific Tuesday, everyone...and I'll TRY to do the same.
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